Help or Not Help

A helping hand …

While it is true that all of us may need a helping hand sometime in our lives – and it is good to be able to help – but it is also important to keep in mind that sometimes one’s good intention to help may lead another to become dependent.

We should all be able to reach out and ask for assistance when in need.  There is no shame in that. Yet, it is good to remember to keep our focus on finding a long term solution to what challenges us.

Having good souls around willing to assist by giving us a hand – be that in the form of cash as a gift or anything else – is great, and certainly something to celebrate. We just need to be careful that we don’t get trapped in the belief that we are dependent and constantly have a need for others to save us.

While writing this, I am mindful that what I write may make it even more difficult for those in need to reach out for help. However, that is not my intention. I want to “correct” that potentiality by directing these thoughts of mine (my writing) to those who are in the position to give instead. But then, that too might be cause for some to refrain from giving. Again, not my intention either.

I don’t see how I can share this without somehow possibly upsetting some people or having this be misconstrued. So, instead of remaining silent (not writing) or worrying too much about who likes it or does not like it – or how my message/thought may be misconstrued, I am just going to write anyway and be true to what’s in my heart and head.

Especially during this tumultuous period where so many people have been suffering these past months, I have seen so many needing help but not willing to or able to reach out for assistance. And then there are those who do, and are – in one shape or other – punished for it. I can probable write a whole chapter, at least, about these variations in society. However, today’s topic is just on a select group who are “demanding” that they be helped. Yes, I did mean demanding. As if it is your obligation to save them and that it is their right that you must help them.

A couple of months ago, at the beginning of the MCO, I posted on social media that I would be happy to help in anyway I can if anyone needed assistance – no questions asked. I felt truly blessed that four people did reach out and sought help. I am not certain how much the little contributions I made to each of them helped them along the way. It is just so rewarding to see that most of them have moved on trying to rebuild their lives in the so called new normal.

A friend of mind who followed and re-posted my message was less fortunate (I suppose). She too had a handful of individuals who reached out to her for assistance. I say less fortunate because one in particular returned repeatedly to ask for help and got increasingly demanding. Since we had said “no questions asked,” offer of assistance (one time or more than that) did not come after an “investigation” in to each individual’s background. But because this particular individual was demanding, she thought it wise to perhaps look into this situation a little more in depth. She discussed this with me, and I helped look into the situation. Turns out this individual was already a recipient of a number of financial aids provided by the government/ngo. So sad. This makes giving more difficult for those who want to help.

But I digress – maybe just a little. Like I said at the beginning of this article – it’s not my intention to put down those who seek help nor is it my desire to encourage others not to give. People should be encouraged to seek help when they need, and those who can help should help. Always.

The purpose of my writing is just to highlight that we – whether as giver or receiver – should be mindful to not form a dependency. If you keep giving and giving and giving, the individual in need may never learn to stand on his/her own feet again. This may add to their predicament as each time they receive, they may feel more and more incompetent and start hating themselves. After awhile, they would have bought on the idea that they are incapable and always in need of others – feeling indebted to their savior, their sense of self-worth continues to spiral down. The adage in the picture below depicts this so well.

I suppose I don’t really blame those who seem to exhibit a sense of entitlement either. I think in many ways our society has advocated that for a very long time. It is not inconceivable for one to quickly develop this way of thinking when many well meaning individuals/organizations/government agencies also have that mentality. Good intention, no doubt, but it sends the wrong message to continuously give handouts without addressing the greater challenge.

So – my request (purpose of this writing) is for us to do what we can to help others whenever possible and still keep in mind to help the “helpee” (one you are trying to help) to retain his/her dignity and assist them in finding solutions rather than just doing the good deed of dolling out some cash as quick fix. Help them be independent again and not develop the habit of sitting back, receiving aids while waiting for things to get better.

Make plans, take action, do something – anything – to make tomorrow better. Just do it NOW.