So anyway, I was about to write on this yesterday, but I was distracted by some photos on line which let to another photo and another photo and then the hours just flew by and I had to stop to pack up my stuff.
So - why a Sycophant? Well to be honest, I didn't know the word and I kept seeing it come up in news media recently (with all the politics going on in our country at the moment). So, today (actually yesterday) I attempted to behave like a Gen Y person and immediately asked the all knowing Google what it meant. Well, most of the definition that came back didn't sound very good. Not good at all actually. Among them:
A sycophant is a person who tries to win favor from wealthy or influential people by flattering them. Also known as brown-nosers, teacher's pets or suck-ups.
sycophant. someone who kisses ass to get ahead in life, often claiming positions above hardworking people.
A person who attempts to gain advantage by flattering influential people or behaving in a servile manner.
sycophant: a person who praises powerful people in order to get their approval. This being the least "bad" - I decided to use this definition.
As I was looking up the word, brought to mind some people I know. Actually quite a number of people. But it also made me question, is this a bad thing? Isn't this - viewed differently - as "knowing how to play the game - called the Rat Race?" Do we all behave in one way or another in that fashion saying the "right" things to those in authority even when what we say is not completely the truth? Isn't this also done in personal relationship?Well, I don't know really. I guess, as I pondered this, the first thing to do is to be as honest as we can. And when we cannot be honest, as the proverbial mom (everyone's mom) always say: "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Secondly, it is to follow the Hippocratic Oath (even if we are not medical doctors) - "Above all else, do no harm." Praising the boss to get ahead may be the rule of the game, and if one chooses to engage in that behaviour - at least do no harm. That is to say - do not at the expense of putting others down or stabbing them in the back type deal. Know what I mean?
Mainly when considering this, what came to mind were the few (the many I will overlook) that we once considered important to us, those we looked out for and did what we can to help them along life's journey. When these types abandon you for the sake of their "new bosses" or for whom they now feel can give them more than you can (in their eyes that is), that feels like such a betrayal.
Having talked with and listened to many people along my life's journey - I am aware many have experienced the pain of this "betrayal" or "abandonment" or "disappointment." Call it what you may - the feeling is unpleasant to learn that one who is close to you (or perhaps was) now treats you as non existent because you no longer appear to them as being "useful." To come to the realization - not so much that you did a lot for them and they show no gratitude, but that you once thought you were significant to them to learn later that it was all a pretence. They seemed nice and caring only because they perceived you as being "useful." That's why the thought of a sycophant. Get it?
The challenge for me - I suppose - is not to focus on the past and what others have done or have not done. Rather, to look to the past only for their learning properties. What can I learn from my past experience, and how will these drive me to my future? What do I want to take out of these experiences? Hatred, animosity, regret and pain? Or do I simply want to learn deeper values of appreciating people for who they are, what they want to be, and where they want to go? I have always preached each individual's right to choose their own life. Their path is their own - neither for me to understand, walk it, or judge it. I am responsible only for my own life's journey.
And so I look back at these people - with three things: with forgiveness, with fondness, and most of all with appreciation.
Forgiveness: I forgive them even when they see no "wrong" in their behaviour and have not asked for forgiveness. I shall choose to suspense judgment on "right" or "wrong" and simply accept them for the choices they may choose - for in their mind, more than likely they are doing what is "right" for them. I also forgive myself for "having walked that path." To have done what I did - open up and help them and be friends to them for what I chose to do was not wrong. If I judge them to be wrong, then my life would have been a mistake. But they are no mistakes - for every step we talk enables us to learn more of the greater Universe and the lessons she unfolds for our growth. I will not regret the past. I DO not regret the past.
Fondness: Even if I had described the friendship or relationship above as a pretence - what is truly real and unreal? Were the good times, the happy moments, the joyful experiences all illusions? My answer is - No, they were not. Whatever the other's intent, I have lived through moments of joy and happiness. I will not let what seems like the pain of the moment to wipe away what joy there were before. Life comes with both the bitter and the sweet. So, I accept and will continue to reassure the past - both the "good" and the "bad."
Appreciation: Indeed, if I can look back at the good memories and know that they are not negated by the actions of today - then I cannot be without appreciation for the blessings that have come my way. All good things come to an end. So do bad things for that matter. So instead of looking at the end of good days or good relationship, I am thankful that I even had moments of that. No matter how short lived or how long they lasted - they were nothing less than blessings from God or the Universe of whatever name you want to put that that. And there is no need to look at the end of a good thing meaning it will not be bad. All things have their seasons. When one season ends, another begins. One good time ends, can also mean another good time will now begin.So today, I choose to let go. Let go, and Let God .... (my continuation shall be more on this, but that will have to be later cos now it is time to stop and let these thoughts/feelings sink in).
If you are experiencing what I am experiencing, I hope you too will find the peace and freedom in looking at the sycophants in your life with: forgiveness, fondness, and appreciation. Then let them go.
Shalom.
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