Friendship

Today my thoughts are centred on Friendship. Actually it has been several days now - and I've been telling myself to stay focus - there are lots that need to be done. Don't let your emotions get in your way. But 2 days of stomach cramps, muscle aches, nausea etc - I know my body is telling me, despite the good rest I am getting (at least one of those problems taken care of) - there is still internal dissonance. And, I am guessing they are all about betrayal and friendship. These pains, are undoubtedly - psychosomatic (i.e., they are NOT imaginary but are created by our mind). Our body is our ally - so when it aches, it is a call to us to stop and examine an imbalance within ourselves.

I came across a posting on FB perhaps yesterday - don't quite remember - but it said something like all the sleep cannot heal your internal/mental (as opposed to physical) ailments. For this - we need more than just sleep.

So, during my morning meditation - I've sought to clarify in myself, what ails me? And journeying within - the answer that I found inside of me was the feeling of betrayal. Betrayal by those we call our friends are among the most painful. But they are all part and parcel of life, are they not? We need to recognize them - and then let them go. Ahh - the usual theme in my life .. Let Go, and Let God.

I've often held to the belief that in all things - there is always that silver lining. A lesson, perhaps. And if we can gain that lesson, then perhaps the pain experienced was not all in vain. In any situation, find that which can be of use to you - to grow .. stronger and hopefully wiser.

And so they say: Hard times always brings out the true friends.  If we examine our lives, I hope this is true for you too - in the midst of our problems are we able to discern those who truly care (those who are true friends) and those who will only be friends when there is something for them to gain personally. They will take you for granted, they will manipulate you, they will make you promises they know they have no intention of keeping (unless there is a gain for them of course).

Thus, today I have to come to the sad realization again - much as I do not want to - that there are those who will stand by you and promise to take up for you and to protect you from harm by others but invariably will abandon those "promises" when faced with other more self serving needs.

I've often stressed on the idea of "Letting Go" as well. I know that only too well.  Let Go and Let God - as my sister once pointed out to me is not just a cool saying. The words in and of themselves carry little weight/power. It only begins to work - when you truly let go and let God IN to your life. Resolving to trust in His/Her great wisdom and compassion that God will always be faithful and will always have your back. But we need to let go to let Him do it His way.  I think, that also means knowing what to let go .. and there are so much to let go. Ultimately, of course, it is to let go of everything in surrender to His will.

For the past mornings, as I walk up to campus for my classes - I've been able to remember to say "I let go fully and surrender myself to Thee. Come in to my life and live in me. Guide me in Your path and grant me the strength to truly walk in faith." Perhaps - those words weren't enough because I was holding on to the "pain" and not willing to acknowledge what ails me. And hence, despite the words - I have not been willing to fully let go by acknowledging what was going on.  I think, I've known the answer even before the meditations on this. In fact, I've been contemplating writing to these "friends" to express my disappointment and my pain.  But I've also kept myself from doing that - not wanting to "hurt" them if that is even possible. And also because I have no confidence it will bring about anything positive since this will not be the first time I express my disappointment of such nature. So today - this very moment, I choose to Let Go. I accept that I've made mistakes and errors in judgment. I take responsibility for that. But what has passed is now in the past. And I shall move on and let what has been be as they are - for I am powerless to change that which lies in the past. I accept the pain that comes from this as a consequence of the choices made. And right this moment, I wish and I choose to move on forward.

Mother Theresa has this beautiful saying. The picture that follows is her advice to me.

So true what she says. And the ending, "In the final analysis it's between you and God. It has never been you and them anyway."

Let go and continue doing what I am doing. In that, it also means to forgive. But for me - at least at this moment in time - forgiving does not mean I condone what is being done. It only means I accept not only my choices but that of others as well. I choose to recognize that they too will have consequences for their actions and their choices. I do not wish them pain, or harm, or what so many call "karma" (as if karma is some punishment). But instead - I wish them peace and trust that they will find in their heart their own path that will lead them back to their Source - their God - their Bliss. After all, in the end - it is was also never between me and them. It's between them and God.  And so, I send them love.

Be thankful for the "true friends" in your life.  While we all have fair weathered friends - there are also those who are truly gems in our lives .. those who are the angels sent to keep us encouraged .. to give us strength when we are in need. We too are ourselves often too blind in our own pursuits that we have not noticed them. Perhaps, we too have taken them for granted. Spend time with them - be grateful for them - and bless them! To those, my true friends, I thank you for being there!

Namaste,
Syl

Dealing with Insomnia - my secret

Studies have kept me away from my blogging for a while.  This morning I want to take a moment to share an important discovery or "re-discovery" as the case may be - on how to deal with sleepless night.  Apparently looking on FB - I noticed so many people seem to be experiencing this thing we all refer to as Insomnia.  So anyway - hope this helps.

Simple secret to deal with “Insomnia”

Most of us have difficulty falling asleep or staying a sleep at some point or other in our lives. That’s normal. However, if it is prolonged – that may be symptomatic of a deeper problem. Or it may lead to some serious problem as sleep deprivation can have severe consequences.

Over the last few months, this had become a disturbing issue for me. At least until about a week ago (then I found a solution – which I will share with you in a little while). But first let me tell you my story .. (you know there has to be a story in this, right? It is after all a personal blog documenting my personal journey to who knows where). Anyway, if you’d like to skip the story – all you need to do is of course scroll down the page. J

My story in this case started somewhere in January. I had traveled back to my home country for the Lunar New Year. I won’t bore you with the details of all the up and down events of the trip – but suffice to say there were lots of ups and downs which ultimately resulted in me delaying my trip back here for an additional week (or there about) making the entire trip approximately a one month event.

Don’t be mistaken in thinking that the trip was horrendous and created much distress. Far from it, while there were tough times, there were also good moments – not least of which was being able to spend time with my family. It’s been ages it seems when the whole family were back together at the same time (all the siblings were gathered under one roof to celebrate the Lunar New Year with my mom – not forgetting the in-laws and her grandkids or course). There were also great time spent with friends. But surely you know – good and bad (not only are they relative) both can lead to stress (i.e., eustress and distress) tho we normally think of stress as something that is the result of negative events.

So anyway, somewhere in there an “old problem” of finding it difficult to sleep resurfaced. At times, it would take hours of tossing and turning to finally fall asleep. At other times, even if I could fall asleep – the sleep is interrupted by numerous “not too pleasant” dreams or simply being awaken repeatedly for God knows what.

Thinking this would ease when I return to NZ was an error (in thinking). It’s not the place that is of paramount concern. Usually it is whatever is “ailing” the body or the mind inside of us. Having returned to NZ meant the start of my studies – which amounts to STRESS, right? But more than that, there were thoughts of things back “home.” Also of friends back home who have not kept to their word and as a result caused significant financial burden and worries. The let down is a very big thing – and not quite that easy to let go (but that too is a different story for another day - maybe). Financial concerns led to worries about finding employment to make sure my “well” doesn’t run dry in the midst of my studies – and so on. Being back in the academics (in pursuit of an education after being out of this for so long) – too was doing its part to keep my “sleeplessness” going. 

Remember, it's not where you do it. In your mind
you can go anywhere - be anywhere.

Then I remembered (so it’s really remembering a solution or solutions rather than finding something new).  As I looked at preparing for a workshop I will be doing later this year on hypnosis, I remember that time many years ago when I first opened up my practice and was told by a medical doctor I have hypertension and will need to take medications for the rest of my life.  I thought to myself – if hypnosis works as I say it does, surely I can use this to help me control (or overcome) hypertension. So I resolved to do a daily (well almost daily) session of self-hypnosis on myself to address the problem. After a couple of months, SUCCESS.  Again I won’t go into that now cos that is one whole other story (plus have to keep that as material for my workshop later this year).

So looking at the current problem – I figured surely this will work again. Self hypnosis will be an ideal approach to help me tackle the problem. But while considering this, I also remembered one other thing – which I have also used before but with less focus or awareness.  This is the “newer” of the two approaches, and I've come to realize that this “new” method is really very effective.  So what is it, you ask? It is so very simple.  The use of essential oil as a form of aromatherapy to help ease you into a state of relaxation.

This is placed on the side table
beside my bed

When I was back home, a friend had given me some essential oil – one was lavender and the other is called Ylang Ylang.  I’ve found both of them immensely relaxing.  Just a drop or two lulls you into a very comforting and peaceful state. It’s nothing short of amazing. It has become a ritual of sorts for me now to light the little “pot” with the essential oil in it twice daily. Once in the morning when I wake and when I do my “meditation” (which is basically a self-hypnosis session). The other is before I go to sleep at night.  The little wonder fills the room with this soothing aroma that leads you into a state of complete relaxation. It’s magical.  Not only do I fall asleep much easier (almost immediately), but I also wake up more refreshed than ever. Almost never having to wake up during the middle of the night.  And the early morning sessions, provide me with a clearer mind when I go off for classes or to handle whatever I need to for that day.

So – in conclusion, the “secrets” of dealing with insomnia that I want to share with you today are:

1.     ONE - Use self-hypnosis (or meditate). This has the added advantage of not only clearing your mind but also allows you to “input” positive suggestions – be they affirmations or plans and goals you intend to realize for yourself.

2.     TWO - Use essential oil (I recommend lavender cos it is reeeeallly soothing) to help lull you into this state of both physical and mental relaxation.  By the way, the Ylang Ylang has a sweet and floral scent as well – so you may prefer this. You can use this in combination with ONE as it hastens the process of reaching the state of both mental and physical relaxation where you can then "input" your self suggestions.

In case you are not sure where you can find these essential oils – there is an online site you can go to at: http://theseedsnatural.com/ (which is their main website) or their FaceBook page at: ttps://www.facebook.com/theseedsnatural/

Incidentally - I've purchased the above for my mom
to use as well. :)

I strongly recommend that. Give it a shot. There is really nothing to lose right? It isn’t expensive and even if it was – certainly your precious sleep and your mental and physical well-being is worth a whole lot more than paying for the essential oil. And besides the essential oil, they also have a bunch of beautifully handcrafted soap which is made from natural organic stuff. Sorry I can’t explain how it is one does this – cos I am no expert, but again you can check this out for yourself. If nothing else, they look simply artistic and beautiful. I will be trying that out next.

Oh one more thing - I strongly encourage you to NOT purchase those from the dollar stores cos while the seem to give out some fragrance, they do not apparently have the same effect. I know. I tried it. Thinking I could buy these oil here when I saw them in a 2 Dollar store (it only cost me $2 a bottle) - but totally useless (as far as creating that sense of relaxation). Might be good to freshen up your toilet after you've had some "war" in there - if you know what I mean. So, no - please don't waste your time and money on those. Really.

(disclaimer: I neither own nor have a share in The Seeds Natural – nor am I being paid for this “advertisement.”)

Shalom (which means – peace)
Syl

Opening my eyes and my heart

On Friday I had conversations – albeit short ones – with two professors, former colleagues of mine from the Faculty of Medicine and Health Sciences.

In the first instance, I was asking this former colleague of mine – being from Myanmar, if she knew of anyone who has done a study (or studies) into the condition of the Rohingyas in her country. Or perhaps there are people she knows I can talk (communicate) with to learn more about them.  Her reply to me was that unfortunately, most of them do not favour the Rohingyas and may not have good things to tell me. My answer to her was that would be perfectly okay as I needed “to be objective to see both sides of the situation. Not being from Myanmar may afford me a perceived ‘bias-less’ point of view. I am also neither Muslim or Buddhist. I have to be able to see it from both sides. It would not be good if I only “defended” the Rohingys and forget the Rakhines. To every story, there is always at least two sides. I want to learn more from as many perspectives as I can. At the moment, all I am getting from the journals and the videos are how the Rohingyas are being abused. I have not been able to find anything for the other side. So for now it would seem like a very one-sided affair. I think that means I am not getting a fair and objective view. So your input or that of your friends would be helpful.”

At that moment, I realized something had changed.  I started out by actually looking from the perspective of the Rohingya Muslims forgetting to consider the story to be told by the Rakhine Buddhist. I began to see that my search to help a group of suffering people was not only about “helping them” and inadvertently perhaps lending my support to them as an endorsement that the “other party” must be in the wrong.  After all, in our world of dichotomy – there is always the villain and the hero, the victim and the oppressor, the sinner and the saint.  Here, as I was chatting with her – without reflection and spontaneously in responding, the words that came out of my own mouth (or in this case through my fingers as it was an online chat) were showing me – there is another side of the story.  Do not be too quick to judge any. If you are to help anyone – understand that there are different perspectives. Talking with her led me to a new awareness. While I have been moved all this while by the suffering of the Rohingyas, I had not given thought to perhaps the suffering of the Rakhines as well. And what about the nations who appeared to be so “heartless” in rejecting to absorb these refugees into their own country? They too have their stories – their perspectives.

Later in the evening, a conversation with the other professor.  In response to something I posted on my FaceBook, something I got from my reading of a journal:

"One of the fundamental bedrocks of human rights is the principle that all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights." (Journal of Immigrant and Refugee Studies) – okok, I know this is not the proper way to do the referencing. I am still learning and adjusting to this ridiculous need to “conform” and be soooo structured.  Anyway – this is not an academic writing, so let me do it the way I want to do it, ok? (hahaha) By the way, you might notice I still have some “resentment” to being made to conform here. I am still working on that, ok? J

My conversation with him went as follows:

CS:   Unfortunately it is only rarely held in word and spirit. (his response to my posting)

Me: That's why we, collectively, need to do something about it and not let this be just words.

CS: Easier said than done to take on the power and might of governments and politicians. But I agree, someone has to take a stand. The price will most probably be very heavy.

Me: Nothing worthwhile is easy to come by, I suppose. Someone has to do it - and why should that someone be him/her/them? Why not me/you?

CS:  I suppose it is our selfishness that prevents us being the person.

Me: Aye! Gandhi said: "Be the change that you want to see in the world." Now you know why I am here in NZ. Not culinary arts. J My inner voice (some say is God) has led me to where I need to be to do what I need to do. Your prayers would be most appreciated, Prof.

CS: You always have my best wishes. You have indeed taken an unusually bold step at this stage of your life and I realize its significance.

Me: Can't really help it (though we all know we have a choice). The calling within is too strong. It has built over the years - and I am only now understanding what that "calling" has been all this time. Experiencing an "amalgamation" of emotions - fear, anxiety, excitement, passion etc. But "a man has to do what a man has to do." I will trust in the path that has been laid before me.

Again, as I was communicating with him – it dawned on me, for this reason I am here. To learn, and there is so much to learn.  Not just about the plight of the Rohingya or the Rakhines but also many other things in life. This same principle applies. Nothing is as it seems.  Look deeper.  We all have a role to play. And begin with non-judgment. Indeed, the lessons I am getting – the experiences, the reading, the conversations – they are .. Opening my eyes and my heart.

Peace,
Syl

Finding my way

One of the first assignments given to us was to do a book review or a film review. With so much reading already required of us, I wasn’t very keen on the idea of digging for yet one more book to read and to critique/review within about a week.  So, a video would have been preferred.

Reached out to a number of people to seek their help (I was told by a “sifu” before leaving Malaysia that I need to learn to reach out for help and be direct instead of being general. According to him, there are lots of people around me who want very much to help but because my communication is so poor – i.e., I don’t come out and ask for help directly and only “hint” – I almost never get the help I need. Which leads to them and I both being frustrated. But let me not digress too much here.). Thinking I am starting a new, let’s try this and be direct and seek assistance. No need to be shy. Unfortunately, that formula hasn’t worked yet. No help from those I reached out to .. so let’s just move on for now. Don’t give up yet, perhaps I still have some blocks internally.

So I started searching on my own – and letting the “spirit” or the Universe guide me.  I came across a number of video documentary on the Rohingyas. As mentioned previously – this is one of the areas I felt drawn to.  So I started watching them and finding out a little more of their history.  I still don’t like history (they are too complex and too many dates and names of tribes/ethnic groups etc), but they do provide a glimpse of how far these people have come and for how long they have suffered. Can’t imagine really – to think of the times when I was growing up and going to school and having parties or fights/arguments with others, and being sad or happy for this or that reason – out there were these people who were fighting for their survival. Everyday not knowing what each day might bring or if it would be their last day on earth. And this going on from generation to generation. It really puts our own problems into perspective.

So anyway, I decided to write to one of our instructors to enquire if it was okay for me to write my review on these documentaries.  I am still awaiting an answer as that has to be discussed in “the department.”  I am hoping they will allow it – tho I am still not sure exactly what I am going to say about the videos.

You see the assignment is really to demonstrate to us or to provide us with a sense of how the media (in terms of literature – fiction or non-fiction, music, poetry, art, dance, and so on) can impart to us an experience of another’s world. The point, I think, is for us to become aware that our views of people, of cultures, of different religions and nationalities and so forth can be shaped by our exposure to these media. Without knowing it, we may be indirectly influenced by what we read, see, or hear. And while each of these presenters (actors, directors, authors, composers) have their story to tell, we need to be cognizant that it may well be one of many perspectives. I wrote and explained to my instructor that – if allowed to pursue this, I believe it would be a great start for me in regards to examining the conditions of a group of people I feel drawn to “making a difference.”  It brings the learning to a new level and makes it come alive.  Isn’t this, after-all, what education is all about – even more so at the post graduate level?

And so I read on – even started to search for journal articles on the subject: the plight of the Rohingyas.  As I read on about the Rohingyas’ plight – more and more it becomes clear to me why I am here at this time and in this program.  They all seem to be tied in with the issues that tugged at my heart over the past years.

Several years ago – I read in the newspaper back in Malaysia about a community of refugees in the Cheras, KL area. Hundreds of these kids were packed together in a room – unable (not allowed) to go outside to play because the adults were afraid that if known – they would be separated, deported, or faced any other form of discrimination and/or abuse.  That perception probably stems from their past experience either in other places they have been to or from what they had encountered in their home country (Myanmar).

Last year when, again, it was featured in our newspaper the exodus of a bunch of people (termed the boat-people) trying to escape the harsh reality of their home country. They were desperately trying to land in Bangladesh, in Indonesia, in Malaysia, and even as far away as Australia. But they were being pushed back into the sea by the government of those respected countries. There were some “outrage” by people around the world and talk of how countries/governments and their people were being inhumane by not offering help to these refugees. I heard of people dying from their boats being capsized; others having to turn on each other on their boats to eat (dead or alive) to survive and other similar horror stories.  I was really moved by this and wanted so much to help but felt powerless to do anything.

I tried to gather a group of people to help with getting food, clothing, and other in-kind donation to be shipped north of the Peninsular (Malaysia) to be given to these people.  It seemed like that was the least I (we) could do.  But from both Buddhist and Christian organizations I received repeatedly the same decline to assist – “we would like to, but …”  Even friends whom I thought had hearts bigger than heaven’s door started questioning me, “how will you make sure these items will get to your intended recipients,” “how do we measure whether we are really making a difference in their lives,” “will this be sanctioned by our government,” and a host of other – to me what seemed like – excuses. I was fed-up .. and deeply disappointed.

At that time, I was looking for a program for my studies. Initially I was inclined to taking up something in the field of psychology as that is my background and training. But as I search and hit obstacles after obstacles, I came across this program called Developmental Studies.  I thought this was something in line with Psychology, so I looked into it.  After reading a bit about it, it turned out it wasn’t really “psychology” per se, but might have some connection.  I thought to myself, it sounds somewhat interesting as it dealt with how to help communities “develop,” “what is considered sustainable (programs I assumed),” “the examination of gender roles and how that pertains to development,” and so forth.  So without digging much more into it, I thought – let’s just go with it. I have wasted enough time mucking around with universities arguing with them about responding to enquiries on a timely basis, the entry requirements for international students, and all that.

So lo and behold, I applied – got myself accepted .. and here I am now.  The program has now been re-named to International Development.

I’ll stop here – as I have so much more to write. But let me take this one bite at a time.

Peace,

Syl

The Search and the Journey continues

On exploring my path or choice of studies.
  

As I read through some of the reading materials in both this course Development and Underdevelopment and Sustainable Development, I am still wondering if this is the right pathway for me.  Sometimes reading the materials – I get the feeling “that fits .. that’s what I want to do.”  And yet at other times, I wonder “this is so far out of what I thought this would be, and I am not sure if these things inspire (are right for) me.”

In the Administration Guide for both the courses, it was suggested that we (as students – though I prefer the word learners maybe because student makes me sound so young .. haha) should be cognizant of what we want from this course, and that we should check to see if our personal goals are aligned with the goals of the instructors.  If there are large discrepancies or differences, then we should discuss that with our lecturers/instructors. So, let me now explore a little into what I want to achieve from this course. To be very honest, I haven’t done any kind of sit-down and put on paper type goal setting or planning for this course.

Some of the issues I am interested in (or had tugged at my heart at one point or another):

1. The “Boat People” crisis in 2015
2. Refugees in Malaysia (I read about a group of Myanmar/Vietnamese kids) in KL (maybe in 2009/2010)
3. The Homeless in KL (2014 – orders from the Federal Territory Minister to kick out homeless people from KL)
   a.       Who should be responsible for them? NGOs, Government, Private Sectors?
   b.      Soup kitchens/NGOs, do they help or do they exacerbate the problem?
   c.       What’s left of the dignity of the people?
   d.    Do we follow Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and care first for the basic survival needs?

Every time I come across these real life human stories, I am deeply moved and saddened.  I want to help, but how do I do that? I know so many people feel similarly and most will quite quickly dig into their pockets to offer a donation of cash or kind. What else can I do besides the usual “just give some money and my conscience is clear” attitude/response? I don’t think plain charity as we see is the answer.  That’s not to say people shouldn’t give.  But giving cash/kind alone is insufficient – in my opinion.  It’s like the “give a fish” solution.  Give them a fish, and you feed them for a day. Teach them to fish, and you feed them for life. 

I have been involved with Corporate Social Responsibility type events for a number of years.  Most of the time, it feels like companies just want to give to show that they have given.  Often times, it is more of a public relations activity than actually making a difference of helping those in need. Over the years, we have moved from community service to community engagement.  But is this only in our language?  We talk the talk, but do we walk the walk?  Do most people even understand the difference? Do CSRs really work?  If not, where do we go from here? How do we make a difference?

But how do we go about teaching the people in need to be independent, to be self-reliant?  How do we educate the private sectors (and everyone really) to know that we all have a part to play in this development process? How do we ensure it is sustainable development?

And when I am able to do this (go out to impact a change in the world) – how do I do it without the hassle of “bureaucracy.” At this juncture, I think there is no way around this and the bureaucracy is a necessary evil .. but that’s not what I am interested in.  I merely want to go out and make a difference.  So, I guess I am hoping to see if I can learn to manage the two.

I am also interested in Affirmative Action policies (or the NEP – National Economic Plan idea/initiative in Malaysia). On the one hand, I do believe they are necessary – but the key is in planning and implementation. We need to keep in mind that these type policies:

1. Create a non-level playing field (rather than a level playing field)
2. Can engender a victim mentality
3. Can conversely bring about a “superiority complex” or a “it is my right” type mind set
4. Ultimately lead to tension-violence in a society (is this is an inevitability?)

How do we find a peaceful solution to these conflicts sometimes seen as racial/religious conflicts (but really underlying that is also the sense of separation between the haves and have-nots)? It is rarely I think a conflict of religion or race or ethnicity – but a disparity in socio-economic status which also leads to a sense of victimization and injustice on both sides.

These are my thoughts and the reason why I am here.  I am still not sure if this is the right path – though my heart (my principles and philosophies) tells me “I am where I need to be for a reason – a purpose greater than me.” For now they do not seem to jive with my other philosophies – that we should pursue what our heart finds passionate about; that we should not confine ourselves to such limiting structure (as one would find in strict academia – with need to write reports and do research); where our voice is to be heard by only other academicians rather than the rest of the world (which I dare say is a much larger audience); and that it is in “action” (doing the work of application and making a difference) rather than reading books and journals and arguing semantics, and history and theories.

But above all these – at least for NOW – the loudest voice in me still repeats:

“I am where I need to be for a reason – a purpose greater than me. Trust in the journey. Trust that I am here because I have to be. There is something to learn here. I must not give up at the first sight of an obstacle or obstruction.”

Peace
Syl

A New Beginning

Our Reunion Dinner - prepared completely by my mom.

I am back!!!  I know I have been away for some time. First it was to take a break and go home for the Lunar New Year.  A 3 week escapade turned out to be just about a month instead.  A lot of things happened - but no regrets.  It all turned out good.  One of the big highlights - all siblings were home together to celebrate the Lunar New Year or Chinese New Year with our mom. First time in I don't know how long. A very very long time that's for sure.  And to be able to enjoy a feast solely prepared by my 84 year old mom for the Reunion Dinner on the eve of CNY - that's something to remember for life!  It was nothing less than a feast with 9 different dishes (including the soup) single-handedly prepared by my mom. Yes. She is a super-woman indeed. 

All together - smile!!!

Anyway, the month passed on by - and before I knew it, it was time to come back to NZ.  I had missed the first week of the semester - but was ready (sort of) to jump right in to the semester.  I should be ready since I had been hanging in around for the past two months (prior to the CNY break) waiting for the start of the semester while getting myself adapted to the environment.

This is how I am feeling!!

School has started - and if I thought I was somewhat prepared for it .. nothing could be further from the truth.  On day one - I was already swarmed with reading assignments after reading assignments.  Actually, this started before Day 1 since I was already receiving some emails highlighting to me some of the reading assignments that would be required even before I left Malaysia.  Gosh! So much reading? Can I do it? Not too sure.

Reminded me of the many occasions when I would tell my students back in Malaysia, when they complained about how much they have to read (i.e., one text book per subject per semester) what we had to go through when I was pursuing my undergraduate degree (and later even more so in graduate school) in the US.  It wasn't one required text alone.  Usually there were a few, if not several, books per week that needed to be read up. These were followed up with usually reports to be done on our reading, and if not - then at the least discussions in the following week. If you don't do your reading, you would be totally lost in the following week during class lectures/seminars.  Here I am back to the same.

Being in the class here also reminded me what I so did not like when I was studying so many years ago. The structure of the writing. Everything is so academic .. how to write, how to cite references, the need for references - journals, books and the like.  Oh My God - How I so dislike "structures" as they are so damn confining and so restrictive. It is like living in a black and white world - perhaps with shades of gray from time to time. Dull, boring, and so very uninteresting.  And there there are theories!!  I thought I had surpassed that part about theories when I started teaching young counselors about counseling.  I used to tell them, I too used to hate studying theories and just wanted to get out there and practiced.  But now, I realize without theories, there is no foundation to begin our counseling and everything would be like shooting from the hips. So, it makes sense now why theories are important.  Oh so I thought I had figured it out. But now? Here we go again - the same feelings as before (from a student's perspective) - theories? And more theories? What the heck for? Can't I just go out there and apply methods, techniques etc?

And worse yet, history. Who the heck cares where this or that came from? It is like I always asked when people talk about the wishes or intent of the founding fathers. That's all well and good. But what does it matter what they intended? Are we to believe their intention foresees way into the future? Perhaps what they came up with was relevant and appropriate for their times. But does that mean those same intention would fit our times? Our needs today? Isn't there this thing called "evolution." We evolve. The world evolves. Our needs change. Don't they?  So why spend all that time figuring our and arguing what this person intended when he/she said this or said that? What is important is how we are applying it in the here and now - and if it is helpful? Is it beneficial. If not, let's review and see how we can improve. Not ask why this and why that? Arrrgh!!!! Academic studies. Just not my cup of tea.

For now - doing my best to HANG IN THERE!!!

Hang On!!!

Peace
Syl