Inside or Outside - musing thought

 Just an observation and relating it to life in general.

This morning as I was washing my coffee mug, I noticed how oily it felt on the outside of the cup. As I dipped the sponge into the soap dish for more detergent,

my one voice said – “you should be more concerned with washing the inside of the cup.”

The other voice immediately replied – “but it is so oily on the outside!”

The first voice returned with a – “but the inside is more important as that’s where your coffee sits.”

Even as these two debated with each other, my hand with the sponge went towards washing the outside.

The Observer mind then mused: Isn’t this so like life? Most people are concerned with “cleaning” (beautifying) the outside rather than the inside which is clearly more important.

In our day to day living, we can get so preoccupied with how we look, what we wear, cologne, make-up, hair gel and what not because we want to look good. Or spend time, money, and effort working out to look good or to fit into a certain dress or pair of jeans – YET – pay little attention to the need of the mind, body, and soul. Less concerned about what we think, what we feel, and what we put into our system in the form of nourishment.

Isn’t it also interesting that a mundane thing like washing your coffee mug can also relate to life in general? There are lessons available to us in all things – if we choose to open our minds, observe, and learn.

Oh, by the way – YES, I do speak to myself. Very often too. LOL!!!

 

Help or Not Help

A helping hand …

While it is true that all of us may need a helping hand sometime in our lives – and it is good to be able to help – but it is also important to keep in mind that sometimes one’s good intention to help may lead another to become dependent.

We should all be able to reach out and ask for assistance when in need.  There is no shame in that. Yet, it is good to remember to keep our focus on finding a long term solution to what challenges us.

Having good souls around willing to assist by giving us a hand – be that in the form of cash as a gift or anything else – is great, and certainly something to celebrate. We just need to be careful that we don’t get trapped in the belief that we are dependent and constantly have a need for others to save us.

While writing this, I am mindful that what I write may make it even more difficult for those in need to reach out for help. However, that is not my intention. I want to “correct” that potentiality by directing these thoughts of mine (my writing) to those who are in the position to give instead. But then, that too might be cause for some to refrain from giving. Again, not my intention either.

I don’t see how I can share this without somehow possibly upsetting some people or having this be misconstrued. So, instead of remaining silent (not writing) or worrying too much about who likes it or does not like it – or how my message/thought may be misconstrued, I am just going to write anyway and be true to what’s in my heart and head.

Especially during this tumultuous period where so many people have been suffering these past months, I have seen so many needing help but not willing to or able to reach out for assistance. And then there are those who do, and are – in one shape or other – punished for it. I can probable write a whole chapter, at least, about these variations in society. However, today’s topic is just on a select group who are “demanding” that they be helped. Yes, I did mean demanding. As if it is your obligation to save them and that it is their right that you must help them.

A couple of months ago, at the beginning of the MCO, I posted on social media that I would be happy to help in anyway I can if anyone needed assistance – no questions asked. I felt truly blessed that four people did reach out and sought help. I am not certain how much the little contributions I made to each of them helped them along the way. It is just so rewarding to see that most of them have moved on trying to rebuild their lives in the so called new normal.

A friend of mind who followed and re-posted my message was less fortunate (I suppose). She too had a handful of individuals who reached out to her for assistance. I say less fortunate because one in particular returned repeatedly to ask for help and got increasingly demanding. Since we had said “no questions asked,” offer of assistance (one time or more than that) did not come after an “investigation” in to each individual’s background. But because this particular individual was demanding, she thought it wise to perhaps look into this situation a little more in depth. She discussed this with me, and I helped look into the situation. Turns out this individual was already a recipient of a number of financial aids provided by the government/ngo. So sad. This makes giving more difficult for those who want to help.

But I digress – maybe just a little. Like I said at the beginning of this article – it’s not my intention to put down those who seek help nor is it my desire to encourage others not to give. People should be encouraged to seek help when they need, and those who can help should help. Always.

The purpose of my writing is just to highlight that we – whether as giver or receiver – should be mindful to not form a dependency. If you keep giving and giving and giving, the individual in need may never learn to stand on his/her own feet again. This may add to their predicament as each time they receive, they may feel more and more incompetent and start hating themselves. After awhile, they would have bought on the idea that they are incapable and always in need of others – feeling indebted to their savior, their sense of self-worth continues to spiral down. The adage in the picture below depicts this so well.

I suppose I don’t really blame those who seem to exhibit a sense of entitlement either. I think in many ways our society has advocated that for a very long time. It is not inconceivable for one to quickly develop this way of thinking when many well meaning individuals/organizations/government agencies also have that mentality. Good intention, no doubt, but it sends the wrong message to continuously give handouts without addressing the greater challenge.

So – my request (purpose of this writing) is for us to do what we can to help others whenever possible and still keep in mind to help the “helpee” (one you are trying to help) to retain his/her dignity and assist them in finding solutions rather than just doing the good deed of dolling out some cash as quick fix. Help them be independent again and not develop the habit of sitting back, receiving aids while waiting for things to get better.

Make plans, take action, do something – anything – to make tomorrow better. Just do it NOW.

Hypnotherapy & Clinical Hypnotherapy: Is there a difference?

Hypnotherapy and Clinical Hypnotherapy

These two terms are often used interchangeably. But are they really synonymous? Or are there subtle and/or significant differences between the two. Like the word hypnosis, the differing definitions provided by practitioners and “academicians” (just about anyone who questions, studies, or purports to understand hypnosis) remain ambiguous – even contentious.

I have been looking for sources to define clinical hypnotherapy – some documentation that I can cite or quote that gives a concise and understandable definition for the term. To date, unfortunately, I have not succeeded.  So it is important to note that the following is merely my own opinion on the matter. I cannot and will not indeed insist that others have to adhere to my own opinion or belief. Ultimately, each of you will have to decide for yourself what makes sense and what resonates with your own values.

I remember when I was first trained to be a hypnotherapist almost 25 years ago, by the renown Dr. A.M. Krasner – author of the Wizard Within and founder of the American Institute of Hypnotherapy and the American Board of Hypnotherapy. I was issued a certificate officially certifying me as a “Clinical Hypnotherapist.” Of course I was elated to receive that piece of document that stated “Clinical Hypnotherapist” rather than “Hypnotherapist.”

Looking back, I am certain like with many people I found the title “clinical hypnotherapist” as somewhat being significantly “superior” to that of “hypnotherapist.” Even back then, however, I was quick to point out that it should not be stated as clinical as the training provided little knowledge, if any, on what I believed to be clinical in nature (equating clinical to something medical or psychological). In reality there was no training in psychotherapy or in medicine.

Society’s perception has been shaped to believe, erroneously I might add, that being a clinician is somehow deemed superior and therefore more coveted by the majority. One can recognize, even today, the deference given to medical practitioners over others or even clinical psychologists over say counselling psychologists.

In the subsequent year when I renewed my membership with the American Board of Hypnotherapy (ABH), the body that certified me, I noted that the new certificate showed “Certified Hypnotherapist” as opposed to “Clinical Hypnotherapist.” In some sense I was glad for the “correction” they made. I can’t say I was disappointed as I did not see myself as being any less qualified as a clinician since I was already a practicing counsellor and had done an additional year of post graduate studies in Clinical Psychology. I felt the change of term on their certificate indicated the Association’s cognizance of the fact that there is indeed a difference between a clinical hypnotherapist and a hypnotherapist. In fact, in their training there is caution in handling medical or psychological diagnoses. These are contraindicated in hypnotherapy, and a hypnotherapist is directed to refer and/or consult with a trained and licensed individual with regard to assisting with a client who has been so diagnosed.

Hence, this is where I came to rest with my definition of a clinical hypnotherapist. He/she should be one with additional training – be it in psychotherapy or medicine. Of course, over the years I have come to recognize that the term clinical can, and in fact does, include other areas of clinical work including though not limited to the studies in: dentistry, pharmacy, midwifery, birthing, chiropractic, and so forth. I’ve also become clearer that the word “clinical” or clinician does not denote superiority but rather additional or separate expertise in particular area. So, while I consider myself a clinical hypnotherapist I would not be so ready to jump in and assist a client on areas beyond my training or experience/expertise.  For example, I would not work with one who wishes to give birth via hypno-birthing (unless and/or until I have been trained to do so). Nor would I claim to be able and willing to work with a patient who wishes to be hypnotized for the purpose of surgery (to avoid the use of anaesthetic) – without at least collaboration with a licensed medical practitioner.

In regards to the term hypnotherapy and because I felt “successful” in pointing out for consideration the use of the word clinical hypnotherapy, when I was later trained and certified to be a trainer who can in turn certify others – I pointed out that even the use of the word hypnotherapist is inaccurate (since participants may not again have the benefit of training as a therapist). Bolden, I am sure, by my earlier experience – I was eager to point this out. However, Drs. Tad James (founder/creator of Timeline Therapy) and Adrianna James were quick to draw my attention to the definition we use for hypnotherapy.

Hypnosis:   a tool; a technique; a modality - used by a trained professional to aid a client/patient
Therapy:    treatment of a disorder/issue/challenge

Hypnotherapy, then, is:    the use of hypnosis in the treatment of a disorder (with the term disorder used generically here not necessary a diagnosis from the ICD or DSM)

Hence, my conclusion is that clinical hypnotherapy refers to the use of hypnosis as a treatment modality/approach/tool/technique in a clinical setting by a professional trained in that respective clinical field for the purpose of helping his/her client/patient to deal with the client’s issue/disorder. On the other hand, a hypnotherapist is one who is trained to use hypnosis to help others with any and all issues that do not necessarily require additional specialized training that is clinical in nature. It is also important to note that a hypnotherapist – like counselors, psychotherapists, and even doctors – who may be additionally trained in certain areas of hypnotherapy. For example one may have additional and specialized training in dealing with past life (past life regression or PLR), weight loss management, sports therapy, smoking cessation, inner child therapy, therapeutic imagery, hypno-birthing and a myriad of others.

It is of particular concern to me to hear of my peers who are practitioners readily offer to help anyone with any issue be they medical or psychological without the necessary training in those areas. While I respect each individual’s right to do as he/she sees fit bearing in mind the one great guiding principle of “above all else, do no harm” I continue to feel uncomfortable with what I sometimes see as reckless abandon for guidelines to not over offer beyond what we may be able to deliver. I am also highly disturbed (even agitated) to hear of some practitioner (who holds position of authority) who claim that the use of the title of “clinical hypnotherapist” as nothing more than a “marketing gimmick.” Such description coming from supposed learned individuals, to me, are indicative of grave ignorance and even insulting to those who use the term genuinely as reflective of their actual practice and training (as opposed to merely to hoodwink consumers).

As stated at the start of this article, please do note that the point of view expounded on above remains that of my own opinion only – and that there does not seem to be any standard definition or definitions that are accepted by all within and without the field of hypnosis. Also as pointed out earlier, ultimately each of you will have to decide for yourself what you consider appropriate and ethical.

Live and Let Live

A quote from James Frey: “Live and Let Live.” 

What does it mean? Well, it simply means: “you should tolerate the opinions and behaviour of others so that they will similarly tolerate your own.”

We all have at least one purpose in life. Some may feel that their purpose changes with the different seasons in their lives. And that is all fine. 

What is our purpose is to be determined by each individual himself/herself.

Some are called to be martyrs, others warriors and soldiers. Some see themselves as charged by God to be this or that. A calling, they say. Who am I to judge if this or that is right for you? 

Your path is your own – and we must all be guided by our own conscience. More so for those who proclaim their faith in God, then – in my humble opinion – we must do what we feel we are called to do and at the end of it all, “in God we trust” that all will be as He (She) wills.

What is right for one need not be right for another. We all have our part to play. If you are called to be an activist, and you strive to be a Martin Luther or a Mahatma Gandhi – may the force be with you. 

But surely not all of us are called to such a path.

Some will dedicate their entire life to a cause – to make a difference in the world. But that does not mean we have to make everyone else follow our same path. 

I believe we all do make a difference in the world. How we choose to do that may vary, but we all do it anyway – whether we know it or not. 

Whether you intend to “influence” another or not, we all influence in our own way. You cannot enter another’s life without having some impact in their lives. Whether the effect is “good” or “bad” will be determined by those who care to judge.

So, if you see something you feel is an injustice and you have a compulsion to do something about it – do it. Do it NOW. But be mindful that not all are called to the same view nor must they take the same actions you take. 

We all have our own path, our own purpose, our own dharma.

So, I say – let’s learn to accept the differences in opinions and do what we can to live in harmony through acceptance of others. Live and Let Live.

Peace & Namaste

Hypnosis = Mind Control?

So you figured hypnosis is sleep, being gullible, being weak-minded and being controlled by someone else? Well, do reconsider.

What exactly is hypnosis (if not the above)? Hypnosis is actually a state of increased awareness, focus, concentration, and suggestibility. It’s usually a state of relaxation that makes you more open to suggestions and allows you to focus on these suggestions. It’s also important to note that relaxation is not always a necessary component for one to be in a hypnotic state. Also, suggestions given are suggestions you “allow” yourself to accept. That means suggestions from others aren’t automatically accepted unless you want to (or are acceptable to you). At least this is the case in hypnotherapy.

Some also think that hypnosis is synonymous to being asleep. This is far from being the truth. While an individual in the state of hypnosis may appear to be asleep, he/she remains conscious. The individual hears what is being said (suggested) although he/she may not remember everything that had been said.

Here’s a thought for you. Believe it or not, we all experience hypnosis every day. For example, have you ever watched a movie that got you so engrossed that you never noticed someone walk out of the room or walk in? Or have you had tears roll down your face while watching a sad movie? Oh feel your heart pounding during a tense/suspenseful moment in the movie? How about shouting at or somehow cursing the actor/actress in the show? Well, these are all examples of hypnosis at work. We may become so intensely focused on the movie that our body reacts to the images and feels as if we are experiencing what the actors/actresses are experiencing – even though it is just a movie and the characters are merely acting.

Hypnosis is not sleep. It is not being gullible, weak-minded or being controlled by another person. It is merely a state of mind – a different state of consciousness and awareness

In a hypnosis session, you – the subject – are in control. How is that, you ask? Well the fact is that when a suggestion given to you is contrary to your principles and values, you will simply “snap out of it” (‘it” being the hypnotic state). For example, if you were told to get-up and go stand on your head in the corner of the room, you will probably not be willing to do that. Because the suggestion is “unacceptable,” you will almost certainly reject the suggestion by either coming out of the state of hypnosis or simply by ignoring the suggestion.

Stage hypnosis vs hypnotherapy

There is a huge difference between stage hypnosis and hypnotherapy.  The former is for the purpose of entertainment while the latter is where hypnosis is used to help another with issues/challenges.

A stage hypnotist is a person who uses hypnosis to entertain people – whether it is in a show or on stage. You may have seen (on tv or life) or even participated in these events before where you see participants bark like dogs or quack like a duck etcetera.

On the other hand, a hypnotherapist is one who has been trained to use hypnosis to help others deal with challenges in their lives. Hypnosis can be a very valuable tool in helping deal with issues such as sleep disturbances, improving concentration and memory, overcoming fears and phobias, strengthening one’s self confidence and many other issues. Many have also employed this to help them manage their weight and to give up smoking and other addictive habits.

This is just a simple description of what hypnosis really is. Do keep in mind the hypnotherapist does not have control over you. He or she only brings you to a state of heightened relaxation where you are open to suggestions – suggestions that are acceptable to the subject/participant/client.

Next round, we will look at the difference between hypnotherapy and clinical hypnotherapy.

Peace & Namaste

Gratitude

In the midst of a global pandemic, it's so easy for us to get lost in a world of negatives. All around us, we can see people who are suffering. Loss of job, income/security, missing friends, and all these not even including the many lives taken over this period and because of the virus.

We hear stories of people suffering from hunger. This is especially painful, for me, when it comes to stories of children or elderly without food. Yes, there is no doubt - indeed a lot of sadness.

As mentioned previously in the 5 tips given over the last week, I've suggested that we remain focused on positive things in our lives. Again, this is not to suggest we close our ears/eyes/heart to the suffering that is evident around us. That would be like the proverbial ostrich burying it's head in the sand, That's not the idea I was advocating.

Instead - if there is something we can do to help, by all means help. If there is nothing else we can do - then perhaps, if you believe, then pray. Offer prayers for those who are suffering (and this includes us). If we've done all that is in our power to do, then focusing (staying) in a state of misery or regret or sorrow is not going to do anyone any good.

Someone indicated to me recently, that when she was in the midst of giving thanks for all that she is blessed with - she felt guilty for being thankful when so many out there are suffering. It's as if because others are suffering, then I must suffer along with them. While this is not an uncommon experience for many people, we ought to stop and ask ourselves how feeling bad for others to the point we deny (refuse to acknowledge) the blessings in our life going to be of any benefit to anyone?
Being thankful for what you are blessed with does not mean wishing others unwell.

My recommendation to all of us is to be ever mindful of the many blessings in our lives. And no matter what the situation, there is always - always something to be thankful for.  We ought to remain in a state of gratitude. The more we focus on what is positive in our lives, the more we train our minds to see the abundance around us.  This does not make you into a person who is heartless or uncaring about the suffering of others. In fact, I believe if you can be in a state of well-being - if you can remain healthy and positive - the more likely it is that you will be able to bring blessings to others as well.

Do what you can to help others. Do what you can to help yourself too. At the end of the day - leave all else in the hands of the Almighty, God, the Universe, the Source - whatever name you attribute to this higher power. And give thanks. Be in a state of gratitude. Be mindful of all that are blessings in your life - the fact that you have food on your table, a home to take shelter, friends and family who care about you - whether they are physically there with you or not. Give thanks for all that is.

Right NOW - ask yourself, what can you be grateful for? What ARE you grateful for?
Stay happy - Stay safe.

Peace & Namaste

Self Care & The other "Serenity Prayer"

Take care of your self. Many make the mistake of thinking that self care simply makes one selfish. This is, again, a result of our social conditioning where we have been taught to always "sacrifice" for another, always give to others before you take for yourself. As with most things - extremes are probably not what's best.  So, if you are always putting others ahead of yourself - it also means there is a lack of care and respect for your own Self.  

I like to take the example of being on a plane (taking a flight) when I talk about self care. If you have ever taken a flight anywhere, you will likely remember the cabin crew going over certain safety protocols with the passengers before take off.  In one part when they talk about "in the instance of an emergency .. the oxygen masks will automatically drop down ..."  In that instance, if you recall, the instruction given to all of us is to mask ourselves before making an attempt to assist the person next to you even if that person is a child or an elderly.  The logic is simple. If you attempt to assist the other person but in the process lose consciousness yourself, you will be of no help to the other person. Hence, one needs to take the oxygen masks, place that over him/herself first to ensure he/she would not pass out as the plane drops its altitude.  Only after one has done that, should he/she then attempt to help others.

In the same light, in our day to day living - consider that. If we are unwell outselves - extremely stressed out and feeling agitated or irritable - how likely would it be that we can be of kind, compassionate, and helpful to another? 

So, remember to be kind to yourself. While it may be  important for us to take care of our children or aged parents (or whoever), it is equally important to take care of ourselves. You can’t do well taking care of another if you are yourself not well taken care of. Make self-care a priority. Take time to recharge your "batteries." 

Also, remind yourself that at any given moment, you are doing your best. If you make a mistake, as we all do from time to time, own up to it, apologize, forgive yourself, and most importantly – what lesson can you take from that so called mistake to improve on yourself.

This is part 5 of the 5 tips I wanted to share.  Things we can do to keep our sanity during the "lock down." As we (in Malaysia) are now moving into a Conditional Movement Control Order (CMCO), keep in mind all the 5 suggestions given are also applicable for all other times.

Remember also to look up hypnosis (or meditation). Neither is “religion.” They can be powerful tools to help us maintain a sense of peace and calm especially in these challenging times. Beyond this situation we are in – they can also serve to help us on a positive journey of growth, development, and well-being.

We are all in this together. We are all going to get through this – better, stronger, wiser, and more compassionate than before. And that in itself is a positive – a silver lining in an otherwise dark cloud.

Peace & Namaste
Sylvester

The Serenity Prayer (Part 4 of 5)

We always have a choice, though we don’t always see that. 

It is important to recognize situations where some things ARE beyond our control. But even when they are seemingly out of our control, we still do have a CHOICE how we respond to that situation. 

In any given situation or event, even if it may seem to be unpleasant at the moment - ask yourself, what is the most beneficial response I can have at this moment? Getting angry when stuck in a jam, for example. Banging on the horn repeatedly and cussing isn't likely to move the traffic along any faster. It would likely serve to increase your blood pressure, hurt your hand from banging on the horn,  and maybe even damage the steering wheel.

Instead, if you consider what your most beneficial response may be at that given moment - perhaps you will come to accept that present NOW. Take the moment to reflect - something pleasant, something calm, something enriching. Use that time given to you to "take a break" from the busy hustle and bustle of everyday rush. Turn on your favorite radio channel, listen to your preferred DVD - perhaps a song, music, or even a motivational talk by your favorite guru. Wouldn't that be more beneficial?

If a "mistake" has already been done. Take the example of spilled milk. Crying over it and screaming and shouting - be it at others or at yourself - isn't going to return the milk to it's container. Instead, consider what could be done in the future to decrease the likelihood of that mistake. Is there a lesson that can be drawn in the incident. And knowing that with some things, they are just "accidents." Something unintended - but they happen to the best of us. So learning to accept them just as they are without judging yourself or another may also be the way to go. Perhaps they can be a reminder to you of how you have grown. To be a more accepting, a calmer, a more patient person: parent, child, friend, colleague etc.

As in the previous blog article (Part 3 of 5) - there is always always something we can be grateful for. Focus your energy on that positive. Get something beneficial and empowering from it. Stay positive. Stay healthy.

Peace & Namaste

Focus on the NOW (present) (Part 3 of 5)

It has been said: we experience “depression” when we live in the past, and “anxiety” when we live in the future. We forget that all we have, really, is the present – the NOW.

When you are with your child/spouse (whoever), try to immerse yourself fully in the moment putting aside “I should have done this and that earlier / yesterday / etc.” or “I need to do this and that later on.” Many of us have been conditioned to constantly be thinking of the next moment or the past. 

We may be thinking about all the things we should have done or could have done and didn't do. Alternatively, we may be thinking of all the things we did but now wish we didn't. No amount of regret or guilt is going to be able to change our past. All that energy spent in looking at the past does no good in changing it. What has been, has been. The only good guilt and regret can do for us if we take them to spur us onwards. Learn the lesson they give. And then move on to correct "mistakes" made.

Similarly, we are also conditioned to look only at the future. Worrying that this or that may happen. What if this .. what if that? Filling our minds with all the what ifs and worrying about this and that will not do us any good. However, if we consider what we can do to make things better and then act on them - they may do us some good. Once a plan has been made and action taken, we need to let it proceed as it will without constantly ruminating on it. All the worries about tomorrow will similarly produce nothing.

All we really have is the present moment - the NOW. Do what we can to correct past mistakes and/or to prepare for the future. And then proceed with your decision without a continuous thinking and rethinking. If there is something you can do about it, do it.  If there is not, learn to accept and let it go.

Whenever you are doing something, let your focus be fully in the present moment. Set a goal, and learn to enjoy the journey (the process) - which is the present moment - and immerse yourself fully in the activity in hand.

Whenever you are with someone - be that your colleague, associate, friend, family member, your spouse or your child give him/her your full attention. If you are constantly distracted with what was in your past or what is to come, you will miss this very moment. And this moment, once gone, will never come again. Your full attention given to the one you are with is a precious precious gift to them and can go a long way in nurturing them (and yourself too).

Be in the NOW. Embrace it fully and be glad you have this time - this moment. Make full use of it for all we truly have is this moment NOW. 

In every dark cloud, there's a silver lining (Part 2 of 5)

For everything situation or event in life, there’s always something we can be thankful for. ALWAYS. It’s just that most of us – our brains – have been trained to look for the worst in any situation. If not the worst, then for most people we tend to look for the negatives, the problems, the difficulties. This may be because of an underlying belief that life IS difficult. Life IS unfair. We MUST struggle in order to succeed. And many other similar beliefs that we have come to accept and therefor experience in our lives.

These underlying messages are embedded in our subconscious, and we play out that "reality" expected. As you believe it, so it is.  In psychology, this is often referred to as the "Self Fulfilling Prophecy."

My suggestion here is a little different from Part 1 previously. With the previous suggestion of minimizing the negative flow of information, the idea was to substitute the constant flow of taking in or exposing ourselves to an overwhelming amount of the negative. Instead, it would be more enriching if we were to allow more positive, more pleasant news to come to us. Some may say it was simply just substituting negative with positive news.

However, here I am suggesting we take it one step further. Not only do we look for positive news to replace the dark and gloomy. Instead, look for the silver lining – “the good out of the bad.” In other words, within any "unpleasant" situation or event - look out for the positive thing that can come out of it. Perhaps it is a lesson we can take from it. Or we may see an opportunity instead of a problem.

Re-train our brain to look for positive things in our lives to be grateful for. And if we were to look, we will always see that there is something to be grateful for.

Peace & Namaste

Minimize the continuous flow of the news (negative) (Part 1 of 5)

When we were kids, almost all decisions were made for us. What to wear, what to eat, and what to watch - these were all decided by our parents or caretakers.  What information we took in back then was very much out of our control.

Today, however, we do have greater autonomy. While many are so deeply conditioned to be passive recipients of decisions (and information) made with regards to our well-being, we do actually have a choice. I can appreciate that many of us feel this is not true. But that's part of the conditioning. It has become our norm. And you have the power to change that "norm." Start believing you do have control in many instances. Reclaim your power to decide - especially when it comes to what information you take in on a daily basis.

Social media is a buzz daily with frightening news. Family members, friends, associates, and colleagues - though with good intention - readily provide you with daily updates of the terrible news all around the world. In this period of pandemic - this can be seen even more rampantly. 

While I am not suggesting we bury our heads in the sand and not keep up to date, I am suggesting we CAN – minimize the steady stream of “negative” news we get daily. How many infected, how many have passed away, etc. How can it be helpful to continuously fill our lives with scary and unpleasant information? All that does is reinforce the idea of gloom and doom in a very very dark world.

Instead of checking every morning (or daily) on what terrible things are happening - checking on the number of death thus far and so on, look out for pleasant, happy, positive news. Whether that pertains to the current pandemic or otherwise, start filling your world view with the beauty of life, the wonderful things that are still happening daily, the joy of simple everyday living. If you look for them, you will see them.

Seeing these, feeling them, experiencing the many blessings that abound in our lives - be prepared to share these with others as well. You can be the beacon of light in a time when most others seem to find themselves in darkness.

Minimize your daily intake of "negative" news and begin the process of seeing positive and happy news that surrounds you. Do it NOW and see how quickly that can pick you up from a sense of fear, anxiety, and depression.

Shalom

Keeping Sane during the Covid-19 Pandemic

Below is something I had prepared for a short presentation made to a group of individuals to help stay "sane during the Covid-19 pandemic." I am just going to "paste" the text I had prepared below.  In that presentation, I had offered 5 tips on what we can do while we are in some form of a "lock down" and required to "stay home" to curb the spread of the virus.  Each tip will be shared subsequent to this first entry for the next 5 days with a single tip each day.  Hope this might be helpful to you or at least give you a little food for thought.

It’s a scary and difficult time for many people. Many are not just worried about health – but also the financial hardship that is felt by majority of the population.

Most of us are afraid for ourselves, our children, our aging parents, our family, friends and loved ones.

Many lives have been disrupted, and there is no telling how long this is going to draw out – and no one can really predict what is going to happen next. All that uncertainty leads many to feelings of anxiety and depression leading some to even take their own lives.

Earlier I said I wanted to start off with …
Then I remembered that if we are to focus our energy on the negative, that will not make things better. In fact, it only compounds the issue. The more we look at the negatives, the more bleak the situation.  It’s what we sometimes refer to as the “self-fulfilling prophecy.”

There’s much we can talk about here, but in the given time we have – there is a need to narrow down the focus and only concentrate on 1 or 2 things at most.

I would like, if it is okay with all of you, to share with you some of the things we can do to help give some balance (which means keeping some positivity) to our lives. The topic for today, afterall is: “Keeping sane .. and taking care of our mental well-being.”

First a little background info  – my background is in clinical and counseling psychology. My journey in psychotherapy spans nearly 30 years – in various places namely the US, Australia, NZ and of course here in Malaysia. Over the years, I have also come to advocate the use of hypnosis or hypnotherapy to help clients, friends and family. Not only using it in therapy but also training others to be a hypnotherapist – or at minimum learn to use self hypnosis for personal healing and growth.

There is much confusion and misconception with regards to hypnosis. And as much as I would like to go into what hypnosis is and what it is not, again, time prohibits that for today. So, in short – let me just say that it deals with reframing our perception of things, and altering the “programming” we all have within our subconscious that may be unhealthy or not beneficial to our current lives.

Practising hypnosis or self-hypnosis can help tremendously to keep us sane and more than just sane – also healthy and continually in the process of positive growth and development. It can help us lower our stress and anxiety quickly and effectively. Sometimes you will hear people suggesting meditation (which is another topic that is interesting and filled with misconceptions). There is no doubt, much similarities between the two. And again, as much as I would like to go into greater details on these two topics, I will not be able to delve into them today.

(We will keep the discussion on hypnosis to another time - or blog entry.)

For the sake of expediency – to best utilize the time we have today – let me just advocate to all of us – the use of either of these techniques/practices to help keep us sane and healthy.

I would recommend that you look into hypnosis or self-hypnosis on your own to help you get through this period. Primarily, hypnosis works on changing our mind-set, some call it paradigm, or our perception on how to view the world differently.

As mentioned earlier, the next 5 entries will each include 1 tip on how we can keep ourselves "sane" during this period. :)

Wandering Thoughts

Wandering thoughts - are they "useless" and/or "worthless?" More than that, are they negative and destructive even?

Well, I guess that depends on one's perspective. Like everything else, it is not so much a matter of what is "happening" to us. Rather it is how we respond to "what is happening."

As I was watering my plants on my balcony this morning, I found myself thinking:

Look at how some of these plants are growing. Lately they seem to be doing better than usual. Perhaps it is because I do not feel "rushed" as I water them and prune them (clear out dead leaves etc) as I may have been doing (albeit without awareness") in the past. Not that I have an extremely busy life now - being "semi-retired" and all. However, pre MCO (movement control order) days - there were appointments and responsibilities to fulfill each day. While there are still some of these the "not having to go out" does afford one a little bit more "leisure" time - to go a bit slower not needing to account for travel time, energy to unwind once back home, or to re-build the momentum started earlier with one's particular activity or project.

From the thought of - look at how well these are growing, my mind wandered to the next thought which was: will I live to see them reach their potential? Will they out live me? Before you guess these thoughts lead to a sense of morose - let me just say they didn't. Or at least they did not seem that way to me.

In the midst of that thinking - I began noticing my thoughts: what I am thinking or, where they were leading me, if there is a purpose to the thinking, what use is there - if any - for these thoughts?

This, I believe is the beginning process of the mind becoming awaken or aware. The being in the NOW. The becoming the observer rather than the thought. Being both observer and observed. Not one or the other - but both. A sort of "detachment" if you will. (Some might start to describe this as a "dissociation" - tho I'd like to think this is not necessarily a bad or negative thing.)

So, I start to notice - hey, what's the purpose of this thinking? Is it something beneficial to you? Is this all just a waste of time - as in you can be doing so much more instead of wasting time (1) thinking these things and (2) watering plants and trimming them etc. Aren't there books you want to write? Projects you want to complete? Programs you want to design?

As often the case - a dialogue takes shape in my mind. And those questions receive a respond that goes something like the following:

Well, doing what I am doing gives me a sense of purpose - a sense of pleasure even. I take joy in seeing the plants grow. Keeping the mini balcony garden look neat. Bringing to the earth - new life. Contributing in some sense to mother earth. More greens, more oxygen, and in the process maybe even some food (physical nourishment) that will come from some of the produce. And if they out live me - so what? The purpose of growing them, while may partly be that they contribute to my "tomorrow" - that is NOT the sole purpose. It is not in the "end result" but the process or "journey" that one finds joy, meaning, and fulfillment.

We are all living in this moment in time. Thinking of yesterday only may bring about sense of regret and sadness (of what once used to be, of the things not done or done but regretted, and so on). Living entirely with the focus on tomorrow (what to do, what will happen etc) may lead to a sense of anxiety. So, just take pleasure in the moment - the NOW. For that is all we truly have. Tomorrow, this will be the past - and that moment (tomorrow) will be our NOW.  Every moment in time - this is true. As soon as the word has been written or spoken, the action taken - it has become the past.  Every NOW is filled with potential - to do anything possible right in front of you. Every step is fulfillment of that potential. Every thought and action is in the mechanics of creation.

This dialogue then led me to thinking - I should finish up here and go write this down. It is an "opening" for me. A lesson learnt. Tho it may not seem to be of any "great" relevance to another - but it is to me.  And that is good enough.

Almost immediately this is followed up with a "oh don't bother. You won't write (type) this out. It will just use up more time. What's the purpose anyway? You think anyone cares to read it? ... etc."

I wasn't quite sure I would eventually write these thoughts down. I will have to finish up what I am doing. Go downstairs to my "workspace," boot up the computer, open the page and start typing. And what will I write? How do I start? What do I title it. No idea.

But I did finish up. I came down. Started of the notebook etc - and here I am writing. Being in the NOW. Doing what I want to do. Responding to the gentle urge prompting from within.

Are the meandering or wandering thoughts earlier, useless? I would wager - they are not. If the thoughts lead to simply worrying, feeling anxious, regretting, and worse hating oneself - perhaps. But if the thoughts led to some insight, to actions that go towards one's well-being - then they were there for a purpose. A function. And a good one at that. If they led to a sense of greater understanding of self, an awareness, and a sense of fulfillment - then wandering thoughts, in and of themselves, are not necessarily "bad," "negative," or "worthless."

Let not your thoughts scare you or disable you or trap you in an endless cycle of just "thinking." Be the observer of your thoughts. Appreciate their presence. Accept their gifts. Let them prompt you to action. Action that can broaden your mind, increase your understanding of self and others, and find fulfillment and contentment.



My thoughts for today (or rather for this moment NOW).

Peace to All. Namaste.