Focus on the NOW (present) (Part 3 of 5)

It has been said: we experience “depression” when we live in the past, and “anxiety” when we live in the future. We forget that all we have, really, is the present – the NOW.

When you are with your child/spouse (whoever), try to immerse yourself fully in the moment putting aside “I should have done this and that earlier / yesterday / etc.” or “I need to do this and that later on.” Many of us have been conditioned to constantly be thinking of the next moment or the past. 

We may be thinking about all the things we should have done or could have done and didn't do. Alternatively, we may be thinking of all the things we did but now wish we didn't. No amount of regret or guilt is going to be able to change our past. All that energy spent in looking at the past does no good in changing it. What has been, has been. The only good guilt and regret can do for us if we take them to spur us onwards. Learn the lesson they give. And then move on to correct "mistakes" made.

Similarly, we are also conditioned to look only at the future. Worrying that this or that may happen. What if this .. what if that? Filling our minds with all the what ifs and worrying about this and that will not do us any good. However, if we consider what we can do to make things better and then act on them - they may do us some good. Once a plan has been made and action taken, we need to let it proceed as it will without constantly ruminating on it. All the worries about tomorrow will similarly produce nothing.

All we really have is the present moment - the NOW. Do what we can to correct past mistakes and/or to prepare for the future. And then proceed with your decision without a continuous thinking and rethinking. If there is something you can do about it, do it.  If there is not, learn to accept and let it go.

Whenever you are doing something, let your focus be fully in the present moment. Set a goal, and learn to enjoy the journey (the process) - which is the present moment - and immerse yourself fully in the activity in hand.

Whenever you are with someone - be that your colleague, associate, friend, family member, your spouse or your child give him/her your full attention. If you are constantly distracted with what was in your past or what is to come, you will miss this very moment. And this moment, once gone, will never come again. Your full attention given to the one you are with is a precious precious gift to them and can go a long way in nurturing them (and yourself too).

Be in the NOW. Embrace it fully and be glad you have this time - this moment. Make full use of it for all we truly have is this moment NOW. 

In every dark cloud, there's a silver lining (Part 2 of 5)

For everything situation or event in life, there’s always something we can be thankful for. ALWAYS. It’s just that most of us – our brains – have been trained to look for the worst in any situation. If not the worst, then for most people we tend to look for the negatives, the problems, the difficulties. This may be because of an underlying belief that life IS difficult. Life IS unfair. We MUST struggle in order to succeed. And many other similar beliefs that we have come to accept and therefor experience in our lives.

These underlying messages are embedded in our subconscious, and we play out that "reality" expected. As you believe it, so it is.  In psychology, this is often referred to as the "Self Fulfilling Prophecy."

My suggestion here is a little different from Part 1 previously. With the previous suggestion of minimizing the negative flow of information, the idea was to substitute the constant flow of taking in or exposing ourselves to an overwhelming amount of the negative. Instead, it would be more enriching if we were to allow more positive, more pleasant news to come to us. Some may say it was simply just substituting negative with positive news.

However, here I am suggesting we take it one step further. Not only do we look for positive news to replace the dark and gloomy. Instead, look for the silver lining – “the good out of the bad.” In other words, within any "unpleasant" situation or event - look out for the positive thing that can come out of it. Perhaps it is a lesson we can take from it. Or we may see an opportunity instead of a problem.

Re-train our brain to look for positive things in our lives to be grateful for. And if we were to look, we will always see that there is something to be grateful for.

Peace & Namaste

Minimize the continuous flow of the news (negative) (Part 1 of 5)

When we were kids, almost all decisions were made for us. What to wear, what to eat, and what to watch - these were all decided by our parents or caretakers.  What information we took in back then was very much out of our control.

Today, however, we do have greater autonomy. While many are so deeply conditioned to be passive recipients of decisions (and information) made with regards to our well-being, we do actually have a choice. I can appreciate that many of us feel this is not true. But that's part of the conditioning. It has become our norm. And you have the power to change that "norm." Start believing you do have control in many instances. Reclaim your power to decide - especially when it comes to what information you take in on a daily basis.

Social media is a buzz daily with frightening news. Family members, friends, associates, and colleagues - though with good intention - readily provide you with daily updates of the terrible news all around the world. In this period of pandemic - this can be seen even more rampantly. 

While I am not suggesting we bury our heads in the sand and not keep up to date, I am suggesting we CAN – minimize the steady stream of “negative” news we get daily. How many infected, how many have passed away, etc. How can it be helpful to continuously fill our lives with scary and unpleasant information? All that does is reinforce the idea of gloom and doom in a very very dark world.

Instead of checking every morning (or daily) on what terrible things are happening - checking on the number of death thus far and so on, look out for pleasant, happy, positive news. Whether that pertains to the current pandemic or otherwise, start filling your world view with the beauty of life, the wonderful things that are still happening daily, the joy of simple everyday living. If you look for them, you will see them.

Seeing these, feeling them, experiencing the many blessings that abound in our lives - be prepared to share these with others as well. You can be the beacon of light in a time when most others seem to find themselves in darkness.

Minimize your daily intake of "negative" news and begin the process of seeing positive and happy news that surrounds you. Do it NOW and see how quickly that can pick you up from a sense of fear, anxiety, and depression.

Shalom

Keeping Sane during the Covid-19 Pandemic

Below is something I had prepared for a short presentation made to a group of individuals to help stay "sane during the Covid-19 pandemic." I am just going to "paste" the text I had prepared below.  In that presentation, I had offered 5 tips on what we can do while we are in some form of a "lock down" and required to "stay home" to curb the spread of the virus.  Each tip will be shared subsequent to this first entry for the next 5 days with a single tip each day.  Hope this might be helpful to you or at least give you a little food for thought.

It’s a scary and difficult time for many people. Many are not just worried about health – but also the financial hardship that is felt by majority of the population.

Most of us are afraid for ourselves, our children, our aging parents, our family, friends and loved ones.

Many lives have been disrupted, and there is no telling how long this is going to draw out – and no one can really predict what is going to happen next. All that uncertainty leads many to feelings of anxiety and depression leading some to even take their own lives.

Earlier I said I wanted to start off with …
Then I remembered that if we are to focus our energy on the negative, that will not make things better. In fact, it only compounds the issue. The more we look at the negatives, the more bleak the situation.  It’s what we sometimes refer to as the “self-fulfilling prophecy.”

There’s much we can talk about here, but in the given time we have – there is a need to narrow down the focus and only concentrate on 1 or 2 things at most.

I would like, if it is okay with all of you, to share with you some of the things we can do to help give some balance (which means keeping some positivity) to our lives. The topic for today, afterall is: “Keeping sane .. and taking care of our mental well-being.”

First a little background info  – my background is in clinical and counseling psychology. My journey in psychotherapy spans nearly 30 years – in various places namely the US, Australia, NZ and of course here in Malaysia. Over the years, I have also come to advocate the use of hypnosis or hypnotherapy to help clients, friends and family. Not only using it in therapy but also training others to be a hypnotherapist – or at minimum learn to use self hypnosis for personal healing and growth.

There is much confusion and misconception with regards to hypnosis. And as much as I would like to go into what hypnosis is and what it is not, again, time prohibits that for today. So, in short – let me just say that it deals with reframing our perception of things, and altering the “programming” we all have within our subconscious that may be unhealthy or not beneficial to our current lives.

Practising hypnosis or self-hypnosis can help tremendously to keep us sane and more than just sane – also healthy and continually in the process of positive growth and development. It can help us lower our stress and anxiety quickly and effectively. Sometimes you will hear people suggesting meditation (which is another topic that is interesting and filled with misconceptions). There is no doubt, much similarities between the two. And again, as much as I would like to go into greater details on these two topics, I will not be able to delve into them today.

(We will keep the discussion on hypnosis to another time - or blog entry.)

For the sake of expediency – to best utilize the time we have today – let me just advocate to all of us – the use of either of these techniques/practices to help keep us sane and healthy.

I would recommend that you look into hypnosis or self-hypnosis on your own to help you get through this period. Primarily, hypnosis works on changing our mind-set, some call it paradigm, or our perception on how to view the world differently.

As mentioned earlier, the next 5 entries will each include 1 tip on how we can keep ourselves "sane" during this period. :)

Wandering Thoughts

Wandering thoughts - are they "useless" and/or "worthless?" More than that, are they negative and destructive even?

Well, I guess that depends on one's perspective. Like everything else, it is not so much a matter of what is "happening" to us. Rather it is how we respond to "what is happening."

As I was watering my plants on my balcony this morning, I found myself thinking:

Look at how some of these plants are growing. Lately they seem to be doing better than usual. Perhaps it is because I do not feel "rushed" as I water them and prune them (clear out dead leaves etc) as I may have been doing (albeit without awareness") in the past. Not that I have an extremely busy life now - being "semi-retired" and all. However, pre MCO (movement control order) days - there were appointments and responsibilities to fulfill each day. While there are still some of these the "not having to go out" does afford one a little bit more "leisure" time - to go a bit slower not needing to account for travel time, energy to unwind once back home, or to re-build the momentum started earlier with one's particular activity or project.

From the thought of - look at how well these are growing, my mind wandered to the next thought which was: will I live to see them reach their potential? Will they out live me? Before you guess these thoughts lead to a sense of morose - let me just say they didn't. Or at least they did not seem that way to me.

In the midst of that thinking - I began noticing my thoughts: what I am thinking or, where they were leading me, if there is a purpose to the thinking, what use is there - if any - for these thoughts?

This, I believe is the beginning process of the mind becoming awaken or aware. The being in the NOW. The becoming the observer rather than the thought. Being both observer and observed. Not one or the other - but both. A sort of "detachment" if you will. (Some might start to describe this as a "dissociation" - tho I'd like to think this is not necessarily a bad or negative thing.)

So, I start to notice - hey, what's the purpose of this thinking? Is it something beneficial to you? Is this all just a waste of time - as in you can be doing so much more instead of wasting time (1) thinking these things and (2) watering plants and trimming them etc. Aren't there books you want to write? Projects you want to complete? Programs you want to design?

As often the case - a dialogue takes shape in my mind. And those questions receive a respond that goes something like the following:

Well, doing what I am doing gives me a sense of purpose - a sense of pleasure even. I take joy in seeing the plants grow. Keeping the mini balcony garden look neat. Bringing to the earth - new life. Contributing in some sense to mother earth. More greens, more oxygen, and in the process maybe even some food (physical nourishment) that will come from some of the produce. And if they out live me - so what? The purpose of growing them, while may partly be that they contribute to my "tomorrow" - that is NOT the sole purpose. It is not in the "end result" but the process or "journey" that one finds joy, meaning, and fulfillment.

We are all living in this moment in time. Thinking of yesterday only may bring about sense of regret and sadness (of what once used to be, of the things not done or done but regretted, and so on). Living entirely with the focus on tomorrow (what to do, what will happen etc) may lead to a sense of anxiety. So, just take pleasure in the moment - the NOW. For that is all we truly have. Tomorrow, this will be the past - and that moment (tomorrow) will be our NOW.  Every moment in time - this is true. As soon as the word has been written or spoken, the action taken - it has become the past.  Every NOW is filled with potential - to do anything possible right in front of you. Every step is fulfillment of that potential. Every thought and action is in the mechanics of creation.

This dialogue then led me to thinking - I should finish up here and go write this down. It is an "opening" for me. A lesson learnt. Tho it may not seem to be of any "great" relevance to another - but it is to me.  And that is good enough.

Almost immediately this is followed up with a "oh don't bother. You won't write (type) this out. It will just use up more time. What's the purpose anyway? You think anyone cares to read it? ... etc."

I wasn't quite sure I would eventually write these thoughts down. I will have to finish up what I am doing. Go downstairs to my "workspace," boot up the computer, open the page and start typing. And what will I write? How do I start? What do I title it. No idea.

But I did finish up. I came down. Started of the notebook etc - and here I am writing. Being in the NOW. Doing what I want to do. Responding to the gentle urge prompting from within.

Are the meandering or wandering thoughts earlier, useless? I would wager - they are not. If the thoughts lead to simply worrying, feeling anxious, regretting, and worse hating oneself - perhaps. But if the thoughts led to some insight, to actions that go towards one's well-being - then they were there for a purpose. A function. And a good one at that. If they led to a sense of greater understanding of self, an awareness, and a sense of fulfillment - then wandering thoughts, in and of themselves, are not necessarily "bad," "negative," or "worthless."

Let not your thoughts scare you or disable you or trap you in an endless cycle of just "thinking." Be the observer of your thoughts. Appreciate their presence. Accept their gifts. Let them prompt you to action. Action that can broaden your mind, increase your understanding of self and others, and find fulfillment and contentment.



My thoughts for today (or rather for this moment NOW).

Peace to All. Namaste.

Starting Over

Wow - truly in the blink of an eye, time has flown on by. It looks like I have been away from my writing here for over 3 years NOW.  And - so much has happened in these 3 years. So many major changes.

OMG!! How I have aged over the last 3 years.

Like many across the globe, I've been "confined" to my home amidst this pandemic that has brought havoc to the lives of so many. It's approximately 3 weeks NOW have being "locked down" (tho it is not a full lock down - just restricted movement). We have been informed the authorities will announce tomorrow if this MCO (Movement Control Order) or RMO (Restricted Movement Order) will be extended for a second time.

Today's entry will just be very brief. Let this just be the mark of my return to blogging - writing - contemplating - reflecting - learning - growing - sharing and simply living & being.

Peace everyone,
Syl

This is a more accurate representation of me - taken just yesterday 8 April 2020. No doubt aged even more due to the current Covid-19 situation.

A new journey begins - NOW

As it was before - although I think about getting on and writing in this blog practically everyday, I still don't have that down to a pattern of behavior or a habit yet. Perhaps one day I will - and then again, perhaps not.


Anyway, since I have some time on my hands today - while waiting for a friend to come give me a ride to the airport, I decided why not? Maybe just drop a few lines in here as I begin yet another journey.

In less than 24 hours - I will be standing on the soil of the land of my birth. Quite exciting really. This time - I am going back and not sure if it will be for good or not. Well, it won't be the first time I just up and leave everything I have behind. Though I doubt it will be so this time around. However, it might be the trip where I hope I will be able to come to some final decision on whether I will choose to emigrate to NZ or start the process of going back "home."

I have been going back and forth on this for some time really. Somehow the appeal of staying or living here is no longer as great as it was before I came. It's not so much that I don't like it here. Considering the possibilities - I suppose there are advantages and disadvantages either way. Staying on or moving back. Perhaps it is the person that I am - never being able to set my roots any where and getting restless rather quickly. Perhaps, it is a form of escapism and a flaw. Or one can see it as a positive thing where I feel (or allow myself to be) fluid and allow myself to be as flexible as I can - moving with my heart and where it prompts me to go. Sort of a "go with the flow" thing.  I really don't know - and perhaps I will never know until the end of time (my time that is). And perhaps I don't need to know - but just treasure the opportunities life affords me.

I must say - I am thankful for the past year. In fact, I am thankful for all the years I have been given .. doing, for the most part, what I like.  How many people would have loved the opportunity to be able to up and move to a new land and live there for a year. I've done my year here - and it has given me much experience. I've met many new people and have now more good friends. If nothing else, that would be enough to mark the past year as having been a great year - a great adventure - a great journey.  I am deeply thankful for that.

But my heart is "scattered." In some ways - I want to be there .. and on the other hand, I also want to be here. I think I just have a restless soul. That tells me - I haven't quite reached my goal - of bliss. Well that's obvious, right? If I have indeed reached my goal - wouldn't this life be over? As they say, it ain't over until it's over.

So - today begins a new journey. I am not sure how long I will be away - but I am sure I will experience new things - think new ideas .. and will take it from there.  In some way, that's pretty exciting watching life unfold as I know it should.  I don't know what lies ahead - but I am ready to move on forward. Everyday can be the beginning of a new journey.

Hope to be able to continue this after I reach "home."

Peace,
Sylvester