Are we truly grateful?

We've all encountered teachings that suggest things like we ought to begin each day with gratitude or that the more we are able to recognize the things we can be grateful for each day, the more we can recognize occasions to be grateful for. But when we do express "gratitude," are we truly grateful or or are we merely paying lips service? Intellectually grateful perhaps, but do we truly feel that sense of gratitude within us?

I have to admit, despite having "taught" the idea (or more specifically the need) to be grateful for all the blessings we have received in life - often times the act of being grateful has been more so an "act" than an actual experience. By this I do not mean it's all pretense or lying to oneself. Indeed it is a conscious choice to look for the "silver lining in dark clouds" and a choosing to look for these things/events to be grateful for. 

We may earnestly seek to be thankful for them, but the greater test is whether we really feel it in our hearts (as opposed to just intellectually knowing we should be thankful for but not necessarily feeling it.) For example, many of us are able to say "I am thankful I am alive," or "I am thankful for my family, my friends, etc." but the question remains - are we feeling that sense of thankfulness or are we saying it because well everyone knows these are things we should be thankful for.

The power of gratitude and the promised changes it brings to our lives, I believe, reside in whether we feel that gratitude or not. The key or the secret, I believe is to Feel the Thinking.

Why not give this a shot today. Right NOW - examine to see if you are thinking the feeling or if you are feeling the thinking? What are you truly grateful for? Can you identify things/events/people/situations to be thankful for? To be truly thankful for?

List down of these that you can think of. You need not list down a whole long list. Just come up with a few. Then pause to ponder on each of them. Feel them. What makes them blessings? How does it feel without them? And how does it feel with them? Are you able to truly feel that sense of gratitude? 

If you don't succeed the first time around, take a break. Come back to it a little later. Give it another shot. Visualize how it feels to be thankful for it/them. See how this makes a difference. I bet it will make a difference!

Shalom

Me Time - it's so very important.

 

This week I dealt with a “me” time issue with a handful of individuals (in separate settings). So perhaps it means this is a significant issue not just for them but possibly for myself.

So many of us may have developed the belief that to take me time is an indication of selfishness. We must have all the time in the world to take care of the needs of others but not so for ourselves. As we have dealt with underlying messages we all pick up as we grow and learn – perhaps this is one of the many underlying messages buried deep within our own being.

Some have to unconsciously keep themselves from getting sick only until public holidays or vacation time. And then we wonder “why is it I always fall sick when I am on vacation or only during off days from work.” It’s as if “I do not deserve time to have a break – so I work and work until I have time off – then I fall sick.”

Me time doesn’t just mean the time for recharging my “batteries” at the end of the day (as some introverts have been taught to accept). While that alone time after work to recharge is healthy, what is being referred to here as “me” is more than just that brief alone time. When I say “me” time – I am thinking more of a time given to yourself – once a day, once a week, or maybe just once a month. Time to do what YOU want to do. Time to just be “YOU.” Doing some thing you enjoy – badminton, gardening, cooking, reading a book – whatever is meaningful and pleasurable for you. It doesn’t have to be an “alone” time – as some extroverts may think it is. It could be meeting up with an old friend, a sibling, meeting others you enjoy being with, attending a group meeting (like a book reading club). Just something for yourself.

If you are willing to give time of yourself to another, why not to yourself? Are you not just as important – if not more so? Think about it.

Today – ask yourself, what have I done for “me” lately? Let’s all take a moment NOW to take care of ourselves.

Namaste – Shalom

 

Therapeutic Journaling - for wellness and personal development

First of all, let me state that the purpose of my blogging - in short - is to share. Share my life's experiences and lessons learned along the way.

After yesterday's entry - I have been thinking (albeit not always consciously) the reason why I am doing this journaling (blogging). There were two things I alluded to yesterday: (1) To minimize over-thinking the purpose and the process AND Just Do It, and (2) To do it (write) because you want to as opposed to you must or need to.

Despite stating that one should not overly ponder the why one does it, there is of course always a reason for why we do what we do. Sure some actions and behaviors may become automated or habitual, but there would have been a reason and/or a purpose that first started that action. Sometimes it is by "accident" or chance that some behaviors get picked up. There are other times when we consciously make a concerted effort to form a behavior or a habit.

So, although I did advocate not spending too much time on analyzing and/or over analyzing the why, it is not necessarily wrong to consider the "why." The key, I suppose, is to not get stuck there whereby action to move forward is prevented.

As such, without conscious effort - in the back of my mind - the question of what makes me want to continue this writing/blogging continued throughout the day. This morning, I woke with some ideas as to why this may be important to me. (It never ceases to amaze me how our subconscious mind will often, if not always, answer questions we hold in our mind; questions that are relevant to our growth and development at any point in time).

As stated at the start of today's entry, the main - though not the only reason - why I want to do this is to share. If I am not mistaken, if we go back to my very first entry when I started this so many years ago - in most likelihood I would have already proclaimed that.

I understand that my experiences may not be identical to those of any other. While they may not be identical, they may have similarities and can resonate with some other people. Sharing my experiences and the lessons I draw from them may be of use for another soul seeking to better understand their journey. I hesitate to imagine this will give inspiration to another, but I certainly hope it would help another consider that the perspectives I formed and the lessons I have gathered would be relevant to them and give them some measure of comfort. At the least, if that is not afforded - perhaps it would give them food for thought to then form their own perspectives, their own beliefs and thereby shape their values in life (even if these beliefs and values differ from mine).

Ultimately, however, the act of doing this is not necessarily something noble or done altruistically. And I ask that, you the reader bear that in mind. My writing, while I've indicated is for the purpose of sharing - at the end of the day, if I am to be truthful (to my beliefs) - it serves my own selfish purpose which is to grow (myself).

Hence, this where I have indicated there is a need (for me) to put aside the ego's desire to seek recognition, praise and exultation from others. Whether others agree or disagree - is besides the point. That cannot be the focus of my writing. In many ways, the writing serves primarily as a way for me to process my thoughts and feelings. To clarify the "mess" that is bouncing around in my head. To clear my mind so that I have better clarity in my perception of my life and my world.

I titled today's entry as "Therapeutic Journaling - for wellness and personal development" because that is what it is FOR ME. I have thought others about the therapeutic process of journaling. One of the function of that therapeutic journaling as as I have laid out above - i.e., to lay bare our thoughts, to put it down on "paper," so that they are "materialized" (as in they becomes something more solid) and that can be weighed and examined by me and by others as well. It serves to bring clarity.

Another function of the writing is to have a record of our "growth" or journey. A historical account of how we got to where we are. To make sense of why we hold on to some, if not all, of our beliefs and our values.

This can be very therapeutic in many situations when at any given time we can look back at our past to see just how far we have come; how much we have grown and improved. This is perhaps one of the key functions in therapeutic journaling (as I see it).

These are some of the reasons why I am choosing to do what I do here. It's first and foremost, for me. And when I do this, it is also my hope that what is shared may also be useful to others. That the writing, the thoughts, and the emotions experienced may resonate with another. And one more thing to add - and that is that even in that impacting of others, I do believe is also an impacting of myself because ultimately I firmly believe we are all CONNECTED; we are all ONE.

So - this is my story. It's about my journey - of becoming. It is my intention that as I write these thoughts, emotions, and experiences down - I will see more clearly their meanings (to me), and that clarity will afford me greater peace and fulfilment. In addition, it is also my hope that many of the points raised herein will resonate with you and also afford you your own peace and contentment. And if they do not, that these ideas will challenge you to seek your own where you will find your own fulfilment.

Namaste

Continuing the journey

 My second day - after returning to this "journey." Of course, it's only day 2 - so shouldn't be difficult, right? But let me be very honest: it takes effort.

This is what my mind feels like.

This is my 3rd sitting this morning before I started writing (typing). Each time I sat myself down to do it, my mind goes into a "what should I write?" And the multitude of thoughts that come after that - from: "just write something, anything" to "this needs to be a follow up from yesterday where you talked about the on-and-off, stop-and-go etc." Then there's the part that asks "what is so hard about writing," "why do you want to write? What's your motivation? And to these and so many more questions, there would be a reply.

What's so hard about writing?
One answer is: I bet the reason why it's difficult is because you think you have to write something You don't. If you tell yourself you have to, then you will find it a task you have to overcome. It's not you have to or you should. Rather the "key" is in the feeling/idea that you want to.

Why do you want to write?
Cos it is good for me. Really? Is that it? The truth? And why is it good? Or do you want to write only so that you can publish it? In hopes that people will read and like and respond - like so many people do on FB and other social media platform? Come on. Be honest with yourself. Why? (You can imagine - this exploration alone can go on for hours with internal debating endlessly.) With the "final" conclusion being, if you truly believe it is good for you without even know why it is good - then just write. Care less what anyone would think or say. Whether others will read or not or respond. Just write. Just be. Be free - here and NOW - be who you are. Think this process is just for you and you alone. Do it because you want to.

What's your motivation?
Like the one above - is there a motivation? A reason? Need there be one? If you simply feel a desire to write, then there should be no need to even figure out what the "motivation" is. The motivation is because I desire to write. Knowing you have the desire is perhaps enough. And as Deepak Chopra once said to Oprah, "inherent in having the desire, is the mechanics of having its fulfilment." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAbQUO9x_8g)

So who cares? Don't think. Be free. Let go and Just Do it.

And so it is - here I am tying away whatever comes to mind. Perhaps the benefit is in the transfering of the debate in my head - the multitude of voices and opinions that continue to challenge and clarify with each other (the many parts of the Self) - externalizing it, putting it down on "paper," may help (1) bring peace to the Mind (by removing all or most of that noise that becomes deafening) and (2) bring greater clarity to what I seek in life.

So, I'll let this flow and see where it leads me. Today's lesson - to go with the flow. Do what you want. Reduce the thinking/analysing and just be. Write spontaneously with little to no need to figure out what is should be the topic or subject matter or content.

My head feels a little lighter now. Thank You.

Shalom

Another "New" Beginning

 

My journey in this blog, I believe, started around 2005 (if I am not mistaken). Since then there's been numerous stop-and-go moments. I marvel at how some people are able to keep their writing going on a daily basis and for years.

On the one hand, it doesn't seem to be so difficult. Or it shouldn't. Wouldn't this be akin to just any other habitual behavior? We don't stop to think each day if we have to brush our teeth or the many other routine stuff that we do everyday. So why should making this into a habit seem so challenging? I am not sure what the answer to that question may be, but I can tell from my lived experience - it has been challenging.

I want to say perhaps I am not as disciplined as I want to be. But two thoughts will surface to hold me back from fully accepting that. 1) I am aware that it is unproductive (non-beneficial) to label ourselves in negative ways. 2) I am also keenly aware that I can be and have been "disciplined" in many other areas in my life. So why is it so hard for me to do this, and what keeps me from turning this writing into a "habit?" One that, I am deeply convinced will only bring benefit to me.

Perhaps, like many things in life - sometimes it is pointless to spin our wheels trying to answer the question "why." Over-analyzing has not helped. So perhaps it is best to just accept it as it is for whatever reason. But accepting it does not mean not seeking to change or to improve. Accept the reality that it has been challenging, and then continue to strive to do better.

As Lincoln says, "It's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up." I am getting back up NOW.

And so it is - Today is a NEW beginning. The latest of the NEWs.  After all, the only thing that counts really is the here and NOW.  So focusing on this moment, letting of the past - I will commit myself to a New Opportunity for Wellness right NOW. (12th March 2021)

Shalom.

Inside or Outside - musing thought

 Just an observation and relating it to life in general.

This morning as I was washing my coffee mug, I noticed how oily it felt on the outside of the cup. As I dipped the sponge into the soap dish for more detergent,

my one voice said – “you should be more concerned with washing the inside of the cup.”

The other voice immediately replied – “but it is so oily on the outside!”

The first voice returned with a – “but the inside is more important as that’s where your coffee sits.”

Even as these two debated with each other, my hand with the sponge went towards washing the outside.

The Observer mind then mused: Isn’t this so like life? Most people are concerned with “cleaning” (beautifying) the outside rather than the inside which is clearly more important.

In our day to day living, we can get so preoccupied with how we look, what we wear, cologne, make-up, hair gel and what not because we want to look good. Or spend time, money, and effort working out to look good or to fit into a certain dress or pair of jeans – YET – pay little attention to the need of the mind, body, and soul. Less concerned about what we think, what we feel, and what we put into our system in the form of nourishment.

Isn’t it also interesting that a mundane thing like washing your coffee mug can also relate to life in general? There are lessons available to us in all things – if we choose to open our minds, observe, and learn.

Oh, by the way – YES, I do speak to myself. Very often too. LOL!!!

 

Help or Not Help

A helping hand …

While it is true that all of us may need a helping hand sometime in our lives – and it is good to be able to help – but it is also important to keep in mind that sometimes one’s good intention to help may lead another to become dependent.

We should all be able to reach out and ask for assistance when in need.  There is no shame in that. Yet, it is good to remember to keep our focus on finding a long term solution to what challenges us.

Having good souls around willing to assist by giving us a hand – be that in the form of cash as a gift or anything else – is great, and certainly something to celebrate. We just need to be careful that we don’t get trapped in the belief that we are dependent and constantly have a need for others to save us.

While writing this, I am mindful that what I write may make it even more difficult for those in need to reach out for help. However, that is not my intention. I want to “correct” that potentiality by directing these thoughts of mine (my writing) to those who are in the position to give instead. But then, that too might be cause for some to refrain from giving. Again, not my intention either.

I don’t see how I can share this without somehow possibly upsetting some people or having this be misconstrued. So, instead of remaining silent (not writing) or worrying too much about who likes it or does not like it – or how my message/thought may be misconstrued, I am just going to write anyway and be true to what’s in my heart and head.

Especially during this tumultuous period where so many people have been suffering these past months, I have seen so many needing help but not willing to or able to reach out for assistance. And then there are those who do, and are – in one shape or other – punished for it. I can probable write a whole chapter, at least, about these variations in society. However, today’s topic is just on a select group who are “demanding” that they be helped. Yes, I did mean demanding. As if it is your obligation to save them and that it is their right that you must help them.

A couple of months ago, at the beginning of the MCO, I posted on social media that I would be happy to help in anyway I can if anyone needed assistance – no questions asked. I felt truly blessed that four people did reach out and sought help. I am not certain how much the little contributions I made to each of them helped them along the way. It is just so rewarding to see that most of them have moved on trying to rebuild their lives in the so called new normal.

A friend of mind who followed and re-posted my message was less fortunate (I suppose). She too had a handful of individuals who reached out to her for assistance. I say less fortunate because one in particular returned repeatedly to ask for help and got increasingly demanding. Since we had said “no questions asked,” offer of assistance (one time or more than that) did not come after an “investigation” in to each individual’s background. But because this particular individual was demanding, she thought it wise to perhaps look into this situation a little more in depth. She discussed this with me, and I helped look into the situation. Turns out this individual was already a recipient of a number of financial aids provided by the government/ngo. So sad. This makes giving more difficult for those who want to help.

But I digress – maybe just a little. Like I said at the beginning of this article – it’s not my intention to put down those who seek help nor is it my desire to encourage others not to give. People should be encouraged to seek help when they need, and those who can help should help. Always.

The purpose of my writing is just to highlight that we – whether as giver or receiver – should be mindful to not form a dependency. If you keep giving and giving and giving, the individual in need may never learn to stand on his/her own feet again. This may add to their predicament as each time they receive, they may feel more and more incompetent and start hating themselves. After awhile, they would have bought on the idea that they are incapable and always in need of others – feeling indebted to their savior, their sense of self-worth continues to spiral down. The adage in the picture below depicts this so well.

I suppose I don’t really blame those who seem to exhibit a sense of entitlement either. I think in many ways our society has advocated that for a very long time. It is not inconceivable for one to quickly develop this way of thinking when many well meaning individuals/organizations/government agencies also have that mentality. Good intention, no doubt, but it sends the wrong message to continuously give handouts without addressing the greater challenge.

So – my request (purpose of this writing) is for us to do what we can to help others whenever possible and still keep in mind to help the “helpee” (one you are trying to help) to retain his/her dignity and assist them in finding solutions rather than just doing the good deed of dolling out some cash as quick fix. Help them be independent again and not develop the habit of sitting back, receiving aids while waiting for things to get better.

Make plans, take action, do something – anything – to make tomorrow better. Just do it NOW.