Part 9 - Autobiography - Conclusion

NOTE: I will indicate the new inclusions (which may also be current thoughts in italics and blue to differentiate this writing from its earlier incarnation. Those in italics and green are comments made by my grading professor. Those in italics and purple are comments made by my Humanities professor whom I shared this paper with.)

As with Sinclair, I too perceived this special being to be of a physical existence. But at the end – Sinclair learns, as do I though in a different way, when Demian approaches him and instructs him never to seek Demian ‘physically’ again but rather “Look for me within yourself.” (Babcock, p. 6) And so I say, as Herman Hesse said, that there exist within each of us a ‘Demian,’ our Self. We need to journey into our inner world to discover and learn about this Self in order to correct our lives, and help us overcome chaos and dangers. Carlos Castenada’s Don Juan is yet another example [Yes, another interesting allegory about who you are dealing with] of a Sinclair, or even of myself, a being who transfer “to a source apart from himself the realization experienced in plumbing the depths of the psyche.” (Babcock, p. 77) Babcock herself puts it as: “There is great danger in seeking Self, and attempting to communicate with one’s unconscious. But it is a path that must be taken if one’s potential is to be fulfilled and consciousness is to be expanded.” (Babcock, p. 77) Concerning each individual’s duty I mentioned earlier, Hesse says, “An enlightened man had but one duty – to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led.”

Thus once again we see, the necessity to make that inward journey, the journey into the Self as we understand others, our Self’s, and ultimately the Source. I could probably go on and on in this task that is interminable but to what avail? If granted the time to do as I please, I would, of little doubt, continue this work of writing this paper. But alas such is not given me at this moment. In drawing to a close let me say still that while I may feel that I have an insight to TRUTH, it is (as said much earlier) not for me nor any other to preach and teach the WAY. Neither I nor anyone else can ‘give’ another the SOLUTION. [Good. I agree.] Writing hundreds of books on this matter (writing this is one of my ambition incidentally) will not serve the purpose or fulfil our task duty or mission. And if we do write the books, it is not to teach the TRUTH, but rather to encourage and inspire one to have the yearning to understand and thus to make the [his/her own] journey. [Good attitude to apply this that way.]

As Jung wrote in his letter to Serrano: “people in our world who have insight and good will enough, should concern themselves with their own ‘souls,’ more than preaching to the masses or trying to find out the best way for them … everybody teaches everybody, and nobody seems to realise the necessity that the way to improvement begins right in himself” (Babcock, p. 164). Yes, indeed, for “The Self is not known through the study of scriptures, nor through subtlety of the intellect, nor through much learning; but by him who longs for him is he known. Verily unto him does the self reveal his true being” (Shin, p.6).

In answering the final questions as required for this paper, I will attempt to answer it in light of my understanding of the question. [Yes, you understand what I was asking for.] If the final question is what must I do to close possible futures, and realize the possibilities of the present, my answer would be as stated over and over again above – to seek one’s Self; to make the journey into the interior. While I still possess the freedom to choose (in a sense) in a way, I have also given up that freedom. The very day I took the role of being a disciple of the mystic, my possible futures were then closed. Opened to me now is to discover the Truth and to serve in alleviating the pains of man (all pains are caused by lack of TRUTH) [or in today’s terminology I would rephrase that to all pains are caused by our disconnectedness to the SOURCE].

I had intended to write a lot more matters like for example, concerning my master who served as a great source of identity for me. Similarly, I wanted to describe how my change of life affected the lives of my close friends, my way of thinking had influenced them to a large extend and continue to have effects on them even this day. However, this has always been a foe. Until I can understand time too, realizing my full potential and possibilities for the present will continue to be hindered. In concluding, let me extract some words relevant, I feel, to one’s duty and future:

“I have often speculated with images of the future, dreamed of roles that I might be assigned, perhaps as a poet, or prophet, or painter, or something similar. All that was futile. I did not exist to write poems, to preach or to paint; neither I nor anyone else. All of that was incidental. Each man had only one genuine vocation – to find the way to himself. He might end up as a poet, a madman, as prophet or as a criminal – that was not his affair, ultimately it was of no concern. His task was to discover his own destiny – not an arbitrary one – and live it out wholly and resolutely within himself.” (Babcock, pp. 77-78).

[I very much enjoyed talking with you this semester and reading your paper. I hope you continue with what you are doing, it is a “project” that not many come to but as you say, all are capable of in one way or another. I would be interested in continuing in conversation – with you along the way.]

[Sylvester, I am curious about the face you saw in the window as a child. Is this the face of your “master” or is it your own projected self? I am also in agreement with your view that the so-called external world (or our perception of it) is unreal. It is the SELF then that is REAL, and there are many such SELVES so that we clearly belong to an extended REALITY, perhaps even an infinite REALITY. Your father too is REAL, though it is apparent that you never knew HIM, only the “him” that never knew YOU either I think your estrangement from HIM may be a cause for your journey inward (most educate themselves outward despite the advice of the sages!) I would like to speak with you again about this.  ~ NW III]

This concludes the paper I wrote over 30 years ago!! Much has changed since then, and yet much remains the same (or similar). While I believe not only has my body (my physical incarnation) grown and aged - my emotions, my thoughts, and my beliefs have also evolved. Perhaps, in the following days - I will be able to write down more of what I am thinking or feeling as well as all those "side tracks" that I wanted to embark on during the paper but did not do.  I am still of the belief though that all these writing and articulation are for the purpose of my own growth and development rather than to present a truth or a path that is required for others to pursue and/or believe. We will all have to do our own inward journey - to find ourselves, and none of us can dictate to another the way that is for them.

Namaste,
Syl