Following from my last blog entry – in case you have not
realized, the questions aren’t so much directed to you (the reader) as it is to
me - myself. It is more a recording of
my internal dialogue – speaking with myself .. and sometimes even in the midst
of writing, there is already an inner voice shouting out an answer to the
question (at times quite different from what is in my head – what I was
intending to write).
A long time ago when I was in the US and was keeping a
journal of sorts, I used to consider it my dialogue with my “master” – a spiritual
teacher, if you like, who is there to challenge me while guiding me on a path I
was not all too aware (fully aware) of.
Sometimes it felt (still feels) like it was (is) the voice of God, not
so much admonishing me but more like challenging me to expand my view and
thinking. But as I had said before – who
cares what you call it (that voice). A teacher, God, the Universe or simply
just me myself .. perhaps a “higher” self? I don’t know. But it doesn’t really
matter as this is all a part of the journey of self discovery and growth. So I hope no one takes offense to what is
being said (or written) as it is my path – a path for me to walk. And if it
applies to you too, GREAT. And if not, dump it and move on (or offer your own
thoughts to challenge mine – challenge as in broaden my own thinking. Food for
thought kinda thing).
So anyway – Finding my music. What is my music anyway? I have been reading an e-book I checked out
from the city library here. Heard of
this a long time back, but I never got around to looking it up and purchasing
it. Now, I don’t have to purchase it as
I can check it out from the library – tho I am not quite sure how a library
checks out an e-book? Does it disintegrate after 14 days (the allotted time for
the check out)? How do I go about “returning” an e-book that has been
downloaded onto my computer? I guess – this too is a learning process.
Something new – but here I go digressing again. The book? It’s by Dr. Wayne
Dyer – I Can See Clearly Now. Sort of an autobiography, I guess. Good book.
Even though I am only at the start with only 12.44% covered (these
e-books are great – they even tell you how much of the book you have covered) –
it is fascinating. Explains a lot about how he came to be who he is (or was).
In it, he describes his dharma and how he “came upon” it. That makes me wonder – is this similar to my
own dharma?
I want to be able to share my thoughts and my journey – to be
able to speak my mind (and my heart). I have long envisioned having a place
that is open to all to come to and visit.
A place that has lots of books and stuff for people to look through – to
borrow, to take away, to buy – however they want to do it. A place people can
stop and just chill out and ponder things. And I would be so happy to be
present to share my thoughts and experiences and to learn from the “travellers”
who choose to stop by and willing to share their own thoughts and experiences.
In a way – this blog is already the beginning of that, don’t you think?
Two years ago when I visited Arrowstown, that was my “vision.” I came across what many would call a “new age”
type of shop. What attracted me to this quaint little shop of course are the
little figurines of dragons. (Yeah, I have a fascination for dragons – tho I am
no expert on the various types of dragons there are. And NO I was not born in
the year of the dragon. Perhaps – I was
a dragon in a previous life. I don’t
know. But anyway – a little trivial info about me. So in case anyone wants to buy
me a gift or something – now you know what you can get – one of the many
things. Hahaha). But not just dragons, there were also angels and other
religious type figurines – like the laughing Buddha and so on. There were crystals and feel good signs;
books, dvds, and stuff like that. I
thought to myself – this is what I would like to have .. but more open and not
a small little shop hidden near the back or the corner. You know? Something more
open - brighter. I don’t mind the small space – but it has to be brighter and
more in the flow of things so people can just stop in and take a look
around. Not so much a business place –
but some place to just stop and chill.
At one point when discussing this with my brother – something he said
even had me visualize like an old barn – detached from the main house. It is stacked with books all around (not
neatly stacked like in a library) with some somewhat faded and maybe even a
little dusty stools and chairs and wooden crates people could sit on to read –
may be even a rock. There may even be broken tiles on the roof of the barn
letting in a stream of light into the old barn. Can you see it? With the light
showing like dust particles floating in the air type deal? Ahhh – still so clear in my head.
Of course that idea was not new to me then (two years ago)
tho some aspects were. I mean, I have
always wanted a place that has lots of books – old books, stuff – old used
stuff (not necessary antiques) – and also a sort of café like setting where
people can get a cup of coffee, tea, hot chocolate whatever – to drink and
maybe a snack to munch on while they browse the stuff there or to sit and read.
Is this going to be my dharma? Is this (not going to bebut
IS) MY dharma? Is this not too late a stage for me to only now be finding out
my purpose? Again to cite Dr. Dyer – in one of the many PBS programs he made –
one of them entitled, “Your reality is created by your thoughts,” he introduced
to us Louise Hay. It’s not that I have never heard of Louise before. As those of you who are into self-help and
spiritual well-being may know, Louise is the founder of one of the world’s largest
publisher of these spiritual and high-consciousness materials (self-help books
and dvds etc.) – Hay House. What I didn’t
know was she made a “shift” at the age of 60 and started this publishing
company. She also wrote her a book
entitled “You Can Heal Your Life.”
If she can do it – then why not me? She was 60 when she did that – and I am not
even quite there yet, so how can I be too old to find my purpose? Also, finding my purpose now does not mean
that everything in the past was not a part of that purpose. They could all have been a build up to it. In
fact, not a “could have been” but certainly IS – after all, everything that we
are today is shaped by our experiences along life’s journey. Further more, today’s purpose may not be
tomorrow’s purpose either. I might have
had a calling to be a teacher once, and then a counsellor and later a writer or
a painter or a gardener. Life unfolds as
it will; everything happens with a divine purpose at the appropriate time.
And so – I want to make a difference in the life of
others. I want to be able to contribute
to the well-being of the world – fellow travellers like me (and we are all
travellers) on our journey home. I
believe that is what I am called to do – and that is why I am in NZ. Why NZ? I still don’t know – but the fact
that I am here NOW – is enough to indicate to me that this is indeed the place
I am called to be. I am exactly where I need to be – and yet so much more will
unfold as I go along.
That’s it for now. As
always – thanks for joining me on this journey.
Shalom,
Syl
Syl
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