Yesterday I had mentioned having worked at an NGO in my
past. Like with all other experiences,
the time I spent there was an eye-opener for me in so many ways. There was much
I learnt while I was there. And over the
years, as I’ve looked back on that chapter in my life – many times have I said
I am so thankful for that opportunity given me then. Not only did it bring me out of a debt I had
created for myself by a venture I had gone into without enough conviction (that
story is for another day), but it also gave me life experiences that I only
knew of (intellectually) but had not yet experienced first hand. So many things
learnt there that it would be difficult to list them all down here. But in looking back and being thankful, a
point that had remained in my head too was how in particular there is this one
person that I so “despised.” I think the
word despise is very strong because I am not sure if I hate her or loath her or
anything. It’s just I can still recall
some of the things she had said to me that until today I still remember so
clearly. Things that made me believe she is such a fake and a hypocrite
etc. This woman, a board member of the
NGO was, to me, the personification of evil.
Recognizing the strong (negative) feelings I have of her
also reminded me of two things: (1) that I judge her, and (2) that I still hold
resentment towards her. And while I have
had many occasions where I said to myself – that “I forgive her”, I suppose –
in truth I have not. And I know that in
the course of my journey – the time must come for me to be able to let go of
that past and as Dr. Dyer did with his father so too must I say to this person “I
forgive you, and from this day forward I send you nothing but love.”
I started today’s entry with a reference to the NGO from
yesterday because I wanted to share with you an official rejection I received
yesterday (from an not-for-profit organization here). I wrote this on my FB status – and even when
I did that, I thought some would be thinking it’s crazy of me to do that. Why
would anyone want to share with the world that they were rejected in their
application for a job? But I did it
anyway on FB, and now I will do it here as well.
To say it was not disappointing would not be true at
all. It was disappointing. When I noticed they were looking for a person
to join their organization as they expanded into the city I am in – I thought
to myself “Wow. A synchronicity (coincidence) in action.” To add to that, it
was in the area I have had experience in (referring to the NGO in Malaysia that
I had helmed for almost a year).
Furthermore, as most of the employers here are seeking full-time
employees – this organization was looking for a part-timer. Since I am only allowed to work part-time in
this next year, I thought this has to be the Universe at work. So, I was more than surprised when they wrote
me and thanked me for my interest adding that while they were very impressed
with my experience and what I can bring to their organization, they are unable
to offer me that role.
What was unusual for me, I suppose, was – my immediate
feeling was “Wow. Didn’t see that coming.”
And then it was disappointment – how could I not get that job? Am I not
good enough? Was I over qualified? Did I do this or not do that? What was the
reason? Without hesitation, I wrote them back to thank them for their
consideration and for writing to inform me.
I then also asked if they would be willing to give me some feedback in
regards to my application – i.e., if there was something I should have done and
did not do, or something I did that I should not – as this may be helpful for
me in my application for other jobs in the future. While writing this, I have not received any
response from them. Perhaps, they may not have the time to respond to such an
enquiry.
From disappointment, briefly I entered a state of anxiety
(not quite fear yet – but for sure anxious) as I started thinking – how will I
find a job to help pay for my living expenses? Will I be able to find
something? When will that be? What am I going to do if nothing comes about? I think these are common “anxieties” for many
people. But I know – these negative
thinking (and certainly over-thinking) can be detrimental to one’s
well-being.
Fortunately for me, this lasted but for a moment before I
could get myself back to being more focused.
It is just one rejection. Perhaps there will be more to come. That doesn’t
matter. I need to stay focused on the Why Am I Here and NOT the Why did they
not offer me the job? Cos it really
doesn’t matter the why they did what they did.
I know my being here is no mistake – and therefore something will work
out one way or the other. Perhaps the
time is just not right? Perhaps a lot of things – but I need not focus my
energy on those perhaps and just trust that “In God, all things are possible.” So – I move on. And there is no fear or embarrassment sharing
that on FB or here for that matter.
Dr. Wayne Dyer said: “…there are no mistakes in this
universe. The stars are all in alignment. The sun is in the exact distance from
Earth, to the millimetre, to create and sustain life. There is a precision to
this universe, whether looking through a telescope or a microscope, that defies
intellectual comprehension. It is all perfect down to the tiniest sub-atomic
particle and outward to the most distant celestial body. Included in this
precision is all that comes our way as well, even though an understanding of
the why is frequently not apparent.” And
again later, “… there are no accidents or coincidences in a universe that is
truly created and guided by invisible forces that elude rational explanation.”
(in his book I Can See Clearly Now)
So I will march on from the experience, as I have in
countless other life experiences, to follow where my heart calls me to go. Without fear – and with joyful anticipation. Let me end today’s entry with a quote from A Course in Miracles: “If you know who walked
beside you at all times on this path you have chosen, you could never
experience fear or doubt again.”
Shalom,
Syl
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