Negativity

Lately I have been reading on how we are all so socialized or conditioned into saying the worst things about our selves. We are so quick to announce our limitations like "Oh I can't do that," "I am no good at mathematics (or accounting or sales or whatever)," "I can't draw a straight line if my life depended on it," and the list goes on and on and on.  Are these statements actually true?  Well, as I said - I have been reading a bit on this lately - and the author of the book I am reading says - we all reinforce the false limitations set on us by, perhaps, well meaning folks to such a point we truly seem incapable of doing the things we seemingly so proudly profess.  But in truth, perhaps those limitations are illusions.

Most people have heard of the question regarding the elephant and the rope I presume. If you have not it basically asks the question as to why the many elephants found around the world are usually only tied with a rope around their foot?  The simple answer is that these elephants, big as they may be, have been conditioned to believe they do not have the strength to run away because of that rope tied around their foot.  So, as a result they never try.

There is also the now famous story about Roger Bannister - the first man who made history by running the mile under four minutes. Prior to this, it was believed that it is physically impossible for humans to do that.  But believing it could be done, Bannister visualized his goal of breaking the 4-minute barrier relentlessly. In 1954 - he achieved that goal by running the distance in 3:50.4. No more than a year later, someone else following his lead too broke that barrier.  Today, there is no longer a seemingly impossible barrier marking the 4 minute point.  Even good runners at high schools routinely break that marker.

So perhaps our limitations (if not all - then at least most) are but a figment of our imagination.  We have come to belief in that limitation - and therefore they become a reality for us.  Richard Bach said in his book, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah: "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they are yours."

So back to the book I've been reading these past few days - I have been a wee bit more conscious of myself making these statements - such as "I am not good at sales," "I can't sell anything," "I am not good at details," and so on and so forth.  While being more mindful of this (within myself), it was interesting when I encountered others who are doing the same (i.e., being negative about themselves or putting themselves down).  A conversation with a friend yesterday went as follows (note this is a matter we've discussed hundreds of times in the past):

F:   I am no good la. No one likes me. I am just a problem for others.
M:  yayaya - PLEASE keep doing your best to describe yourself in the negative. you have to balance
      out all the positive things the world says about you, right?
F:   No one ever says any thing positive about me. NEVER.
M:  Sorry. I was being sarcastic. You didn't get that.
M:  As if we don't get enough negative comments and criticisms from others. Do we need to add to 
       that ourselves by joining in and being negative about ourselves?  It's because we keep doing that
       that's why our life remains as it is.  Negative. as long as you keep saying negative about yourself,
       things will remain the same if not get worse.
F:    I am just burden to others. I have less than 2 years to live. Especially when I feel stress and
       pressure - no passion in my life, then 1 year to go. Better end early. Less burden for people
       beside me.

Well - I won't finish the rest. You see where that is going, I am sure.  And I have no doubt most, if not all of you, have encountered people like that.  Perhaps you have been in that boat too.  It's called self-pity. Plain and simple - we say these things to get sympathy. We want the listener to say: no no no.  You are very beneficial to others. You have this talent, and that talent and this and that and this and that.  But alas after all is said and done, even if you may feel a bit better (and your listened is drained completely like a bunch of strained loss hair in the bathroom clog (or whatever you call that thing that stops the hair from washing down the pipes) - you go home and before long it all starts all over again.  Tomorrow is the same listener or another (because the listener from the day before is too self-fish or heartless and do not want to hear our whining. And the cycle repeats.

The reason that feeling of such worthlessness never seem to go away is because - we don't believe in ourselves.  Seeking sympathy  from others and praise and "encouragement" etc is only a temporary thing.  But the feeling of self-worth cannot come from the external.  Most things can't.  They have to begin from the inside.  If we don't love ourselves, no amount of loving from someone external is ever going to make us whole.

And why does that behavior of running and whining and moaning to another continue over and over again even though it may cause many people to run away from us? Because at some point, there was a reward - reinforcement.  Those kind (soft-hearted) souls who sat around and cried with us - reassuring us of our worth.  They made or helped make the act of moaning and whining so rewarding such that we go back over and over.  Like a drug or alcohol.  Those short moments enabled us to mask or pain and find temporary relief.  But there is no permanency in that UNLESS we start to accept what is said, and integrate the good feelings - and begin to change and grow.

We ought to stop and ask ourselves, who likes to hang out with people who do nothing but moan and groan.  If it is not about complaining about others or the weather or whatever, it is about putting one's self down.  "I am useless," "I am worthless," "No one likes me," etc.  DO you seriously enjoy being around such a person 24/7? No? How about just 8 hours a day for 5 days a week? Still no??  So what makes us think that people will love being with us IF we do the same thing?

I mean getting into a funk from time to time and being down right negative is normal I suppose.  We all have our bad days.  But if we are like that everyday of our lives, would it be a surprise is no one really wants to hang out with us? And then we will be saying "See. I told you. No one likes me" without ever once stopping to ask ourselves why that is so - if it is indeed so.

Someone asked me recently - should we avoid such negative people? Should we not care for them?  My answer sure.  Care for them, love them even. But it doesn't mean you have to stay around and be with them continuously.  Be a good friend or sibling or whatever - that's great.  Remember tho to also be a good friend (a best friend even) to yourself.  Take care not to hang around negativity without taking precaution to keep yourself healthy.  If it is too much, or the other does not appear to want to change for a better life (let them decide what their better is - perhaps they like to live miserably) - then we also have an obligation to take care of ourselves. And again - that is not being selfish.  At least that's my opinion. 


Don't get me wrong and think I am suggesting that we all just think only of ourselves. When we see someone in pain or crying or besieged with sorrow - RUN?  No no no.  I don't mean that at all.  Like I said earlier, we all have our bad days, and sure we should help when we can.  Yet at the end of the day, if you are faced with a person who - no matter what you say or do - seem bent on torturing him/herself - I am saying you owe it to yourself to put priority on your own wellbeing.  After all, you are worth it too, aren't you? When we deal with a sick person (as doctors and nurses do), they too have to wear a face masks at times.  This is to protect both parties really. To not infect the sick whose immune system may be weaken at that time.  But it is also to protect the care giver so that they do not contract something from the patient.  Similarly, help where you can when you can.  While doing that, do remember to also take care of yourself such that you do not get sucked into the pit of the other's self chosen misery.  If they do not listen - allow them to be where they choose to be - and do not be guilt laden when you move on to where you want to be.

Shalom.

Coincidence or Synchronicity?

For the paast two days I have been wanting to write in here, but everytime I get on the computer, it has been to do accounts.  The whole day, practically, has been spent on working out the accounts.  Last night ended around 2:30 AM. Oh how I resist this "chore," but I have to say playing on the Excel has had its moments of pleasure - joy even. And I think I am learning quite a bit on how to use this tool. So it's not too bad.  I just have to get into the "feel" of it - and I am sure there are benefits to what I am having to do.

Anyway - back to my "story."  My other story that is.

A couple of days ago I wrote about the lesson learnt - which was about acceptance (and I guess also respecting my self).  I have spoken (with others) often enough in the past about self love is not being selfish.  Though much have I spoken about this, it is still a "work in progress" for me. But then practically everything in our life is a work in progress, isn't it?

Interestingly enough, the very day after I wrote that blog entry - I picked up a new book to read the next morning when I went to have my breakfast.  And what do I find in that book? Well, some extracts from that book are as follow:

"Take charge of your life. You owe it to yourself to run your own life."

"Taking care of yourself is not selfish. The Bible says we should love our neighbors as ourselves. It does not say instead of or more than. Give yourself permission to treat yourself as someone special. Begin to set aside time to do some of the things you want to do for yourself."
(Jim Donovan. This is your life, not a dress rehearsal.)


Going into the next chapter - Donovan goes on further to talk about - Acceptance.  And I thought to myself, "hey, isn't that what I just wrote about yesterday?"  Seemingly - a coincidence (or more popularly called: synchronicity today - at least by fellow travellers on a similar path of growth and discovery).  Since I have often said I do not believe it coincidences, I have chosen to interpret this as the Universe reinforcing (or reassuring) me of what I had written the day before - as if to say "you are on the right path. Be confident and stride on."




I suppose today I will have to change my statement that there is no such thing as a "coincidence." Like all things, I suppose this is too is subject to our interpretation or how we define things.  When I say there is no such thing as a coincidence, I mean "nothing happens by chance" (which is the way most people define coincidence).  However, if I look at the word "coincidence" with a new interpretation or definition and see it as synonymous with "synchronicity," then certainly coincidences happen.  Things don't just happen.  They happen for a reason.

If you think about it, I am sure you can find moments in your life where you have experienced this. Talk about someone and out of the blue they call you up?  Thinking of a subject matter or topic, and an article about it or a book or a movie appears shortly after?  Thinking about starting a business venture or a project and a day later perhaps someone approaches you about an opportunity to do just what you had been thinking or talking about?  These are not occurrences for the select few.  We all experience this.  I believe,, similarly when we "pray" - the same thing happens.  Whether you believe in a God or many gods or the Universe, when you put your thoughts and your intentions out there - "the universe conspires to make it happen for you."

So what are you thinking of today? What do you want to do? Can you see the "coincidences" or synchronicities in your life? They are happening right NOW.  Perhaps even this blog entry is a "coincidence" for you?  Stop for a moment to breathe.  Take it easy.  Hold that silence for just a brief moment and listen. Listen to your inner self - your soul.  Perhaps he/she has something to say to you. And then look around your life, whatever is happening, perhaps you will see just what that synchronicity is for you.

Shalom



My lesson for today

As a sort of a follow up to the last post, time is still flying. Two days have come and gone - and I did not manage to get to post here. I wonder - will I ever reach a point that I will be able to get on every single day and make an entry at least once a day? And then I also wonder - why do I need to? Are there any rules to this? Of course not! We make our own rules. Do it if you like, and don't if you do not like.  Certainly we can make a goal for ourselves if we want - but for what reason, and how do we handle it when we make our goal or we do not. Well, each of us make those rules for ourselves as well I suppose.  And all these are just a part of our "freedom to choose."  So, I won't beat myself up for not being able to get on or even not wanting to write anything on some days.  Otherwise this would have become a chore and a must do .. and then I will be entangled in the web we are all so trained to do.

My lesson today - or at least one of them - a thought I have been pondering over for the past days: don't wait around for anyone; be yourself.  To be free, truly free, do what brings you joy and not let that joy be dependent on any person, thing, or event.  If you do, then that happiness is always external to you.

I look back over my life and realized that many of the times of unhappiness came around because I am waiting for this or that. And when they do not turn out as I had hoped or planned, that led to disappointment and anger.  One of the things I've learnt along the way also is that anger is a good camouflage for hurt. So - what happens during those moments of pain, disappointment, sadness, or hurt is a "blow up."  Being angry, raising voice, throwing tantrums even - they serve no one any good.  If you think, "well, it is venting and getting out of your system - therefore it should be good, right?" The answer is "NO." They can't be good cos it leaves the other also in pain and sometimes confusion.  You may have vented, but then it is followed up with "guilt."  There are the many, "I should have done this instead," "I shouldn't have said that," "Maybe if I had been clearer?" or one of the most common ones "It's my fault. I shall have no expectations - then all will be well."

But it is not all well.  Many say just be without expectations, and life will be great. If you don't expect, then you can't be hurt.  But can we really be without any expectations?  Perhaps and perhaps not.  I guess it is kinda like asking the question, "Can we be perfect?"  Perhaps we will not get to perfection, but that should not stop us from reaching for it, right?  Well - for me, I guess that is the answer for NOW.  While I may not be able to do away with all expectations, I shall learn to accept whatever the outcome.  When I go downstairs and start my car (ready to go out), I expect the car will be able to start just like it does every morning.  But when I press the start, and the engine fails to turn - why get mad? Screaming, shouting, kicking and cussing at the car is not going to make it move. So, then I have to accept the situation as it is and find a solution.  Call a mechanic, take a cab to where I need to go, and so on.  Wouldn't that be a lot better?

I also realize many of the painful moments come from expecting others to be how I think they should be.  They should behave this way or that way.  They should call me when they reach some place; they should tell me in advance if they are not available or cannot do somethings; they should not say they will do something if they do not intend to; they should be thankful for this or that; they should look for me instead of me always looking them up; and a million more of such.  But much of these pain and disappointment, can be done away with IF I only accept what the head has known for so long - and that is "I need to accept people as they are; I can express my opinion (and maybe not even that) and then respect their choices to be who they want to be."  I wrote the following on my FB timeline: "Stop expecting those you love to change to what you believe they should be. Even when they don't - accept them and love them anyway." And there lies the path to serenity (happiness).  Acceptance - accept what will be.  Many things are beyond our control, but how we feel and respond to them is entirely up to us.  Like with the car incident above, or when you find yourself stuck in a traffic jam (honking and banging on your steering wheel is likely not going to make a difference).  Accept where ever we are and whatever the situation.

If the Universe has brought us to that point, then there is a purpose for it. And even more than that, there is always a blessing within that which we will see if we but open up our hearts and look (instead of feeling miserable and filled with self-pity).

And so I intend (to strive towards) greater acceptance of individuals as they are and to stop expecting them to be who I want them to be or for them to behave the way I think they should.  I need to do for me what I feel is right and positive and healing. To not sit around and wait for this or that to happen - and just make plans for me without having the need to think if this is okay with someone else etc.  At some point it sounds so "selfish" but then I guess it sounds that way because we have been living that "lie" for so long.
Have you ever lived waiting for a message to be replied to? Or a phone call to come in? Or for another to meet up with you? And when they "let you down," you swear to yourself - I am never gonna be so foolish again. Next time I will just go with my own plans.  And then a month goes by and you live your life as you think you should (every now and then still waiting or hoping but doing so much better not just sitting around waiting for the phone to ring).  And then one day comes when you have plans and that someone calls - and now you are torn like "but I already have plans. Sorry ya?" And if you stick to your plans, you may be filled with guilt.  Or you may choose to change your plans to suit the late call.  I think this is common for many people.  But I also think that's why we all have so many scars in our hearts.

Today - I think (not as a reaction to pain and to take revenge) that truly we need to be kind to ourselves. Love ourselves. Do what we want and not sit and wait for others or events. Be free - to be who you want, to do what you want, to go where you want.  And if the world thinks your are selfish - well then let them be free to chose the thoughts that they want.  I can only be responsible for my own life and not worry about what any other think. Be kind to yourself does not mean to be unkind to others.

So there you go - my lesson for myself today.

Wishing you all peace and happiness in your own journey - today and everyday of your life.

Peace out.

Flying time again??

Totally missed out yesterday!  What's going on?  The day just flew by like that! And today? I started working on some accounts at around 9:30 AM .. next thing I knew it was about 1:30 PM.  My stomach told me I needed some food.  So I stopped for that briefly. And then back to the accounts.  And before I knew it - here we are!! Another day gone!!  OMG!  Time is really flying.

I always thought I did not like accounting - and I still don't.  So I guess it is not a matter of whether you like it or not - but when you are immersed in a project and really focussed - then time flies?? Perhaps that is what it is.

But anyway, the accounting is done.  The book is in order - and stocks all accounted for! So, THANK YOU for a fruitful day.

Didn't leave me much time to read up on stuff I wanted to.  But perhaps I will get to a little later.  For now - food for thought:

Are you enjoying what you are doing? And you invested? Interested? Not?? Then is time flying by for you? Or is it a drag - every minute a pain?

If you aren't enjoying what you are doing (and that doesn't mean without stress), then wouldn't you want to be doing something you would find more meaningful? More pleasurable?  If you would like to, then why are you still stuck where you are?  Think about it, will ya?

Approaching Death - Excitement or Anxiety

Have you ever considered what death would be like?  I wonder why so many people are afraid of it. Perhaps it is because it is the ultimate "unknown." And people just seem to be most afraid of the unknown?

I'd like to think of death as just another stage in "life" and that life is not limited to just our physical existence on this earth.  I am not talking about reincarnation - although that is all together possible. I am thinking more of other universe, other time lines, other realities - beyond what we deem as our one and only reality.

I would like to think of it as a peaceful passage into something greater and more wonderful.  I have to admit I am not sure if I can maintain this same idea when dealing with the loss of a loved one.  But time will tell.  For now, that's what I have in my mind.  Going somewhere beautiful and serene.

Have you watched the new tv series called Resurrection?  Sounds intriguing. An eight year old boy dies in a drowning accident and there reappears in China 32 years later (still as a little boy).  Now that's one interesting story.  Sad that it is on so late at night, but looks like a good show that just started last night.

Anyway - today was one of those days (I have had one or two in the past) where I thought - could this be my last day.  I guess something I ate just didn't sit right with me - and this morning I woke up to a not so pleasant message .. and an immediate reaction was the need to vomit.  Not a pleasant feeling in case you are wondering.  I am thankful I had enough strength to make it to the bathroom in time instead of spewing it all over myself or my bed.  I don't think I would have the energy to clean up the mattress today had that happened.  And I don't even want to think of how to go about cleaning it if I had to leave it soaking into the mattress for even a day.

Anyway, that and a few more rounds of that through out the day left me almost completely "useless" today.  Feeling almost drained - I started thinking "is this it then?" "When will they find my lifeless shell after I am gone?" etc etc.  There wasn't so much a fear of death itself though.  If anything, the only fear I think I can recognize is the mess it would leave for others after I am gone.  I would hate to leave problems to others.  How cool it would be if, like the American Indians of old - when the time is right, just hike out into the forest.  Sit under a tree. Close your eyes and depart in peace.

And then there are those stories of NDE (near death experience) where these folks come back and talk about meeting others on the other side. People known and loved .. waiting to receive you.  Wouldn't that be a great thing?  Well guess, we will not know until the time is ours to know.

For now, guess my mission is not yet done - and that means march on to do what I have to do.

Peace all.

Mid Year Resolution

"Alright. I know it is not the beginning of the year when most people will be frantically thinking of a "resolution" for the year.  Most of us do it "because everyone is doing it" or "it's just tradition."  Although this isn't the start of the year - but HEY, have you noticed we are almost at the mid-point of this year.  1 1/2 months to go, and June 2015 will be over.  So - how about we make a conscious choice to change something about ourselves or our lives for the second half of this year (2015 - in case you forgot what year we are in. I know it's really stressful right?)
Let's decide to do something NOW.  No not tomorrow or next week or next month.  Do it NOW.  There is no time like the present.
Just take a moment to think of what you want different in your life for the second half of this year.  I bet you - if you set your mind to it, you can definitely make it.  And by year's end - you will be so glad you did this. Go ahead. Do it NOW.  Take this New Opportunity for Wellness. :)"


Yeah, yeah - I know - someone you might have seen this on my Facebook site already.  But I think it is worth repeating.  Really!  Don't you think this year is just cruising on by?  Imagine we are mid way through May. Soon it will be mid 2015.  Half the year is over.

I've gotta ask myself - am I any closer to where I want to be? What I want to achieve? Who I want to be or be with??  I mean - we all have our goals and dreams.  There is always something we are chasing for, right? Are you any closer to that goal today than you were at the start of the year? Are things working out just as you planned?

If they are - that's GREAT!!! If they are not, do you think it might be a good time to regroup and reconsider? Perhaps change in strategy? Change how you do what you do perhaps?

Mind-Body Connection

For as much as our bodies manifest our conscious thoughts and feelings, so too they manifest the unconscious energies which underlie our every action.

To understand this bodymind connection, we first have to recognise that the mind and body are one.

Denying this bodymind relationship is ignoring the opportunity that the body gives us to look  at. accept and resolve our inner pain.

An illness is telling us that we need to stop doing something.

(Debbie Shapiro. Healing Mind Healing Body: Explaining how the mind and body work together.)

No personal comment from me today. Just some quotes that caught my attention while doing my reading for the day.

Good night to all.

Judging a book by its cover

Over a week ago I experimented on a day without judging.  The experiment was much easier to carry out than I had anticipated. So much so that it easily flowed into a second day. As liberating as it was to experience that, I must say that it seems harder to sustain than to carry it out. Especially if we still live (remain) in the world (as opposed to the world being in us).  I guess it is part of the human experience/journey.

Still, though it may not be an easy task (at least not for now), it doesn't mean we should give up that quest. We've all heard of the "Do not judge a book by its cover."  We may even say that to people we know from time to time.  Question is, is that just a good quote that we like to repeat but do not practice? That's the challenge.

Can we live up to what we say. In other words: Say what we mean, and mean what we say.  And if we do not do that, then in some way - aren't we

Good tip - NOT just for marriage.

being "hypocritical?" (Sorry - hope this doesn't
sound too mean - and more than that - doesn't
mean I am judging someone else.)

I remember when I was in Uni, a number of my professors kept expounding on the fact that we need to be "objective." (That means we should suspend individual judgment.) This was necessary both in Sociology and Psychology (or the Social and Behavioral Sciences).  Coming from a scientific perspective, I guess that was the goal - to be a non-participating observer and to record objectively what we encounter without mixing our emotions into the equation.  But after some time - when I could not wrap my head around that, I asked "how can we detach our feelings and individual interpretations/perceptions from what we see?" After all, we ALL look at the world through our own "bias" (without negative connotation) views colored by our individual experiences and values derived from whence we come.  Of course, as far as I can recall, no satisfactory answer was ever given.  And we just moved on and on and on until graduation and post graduation.  Each of us left to our own interpretation of events and conclusions as we saw fit.

A recent conversation (albeit short) with someone close to me got me thinking about this.  The statement was, "I don't trust that person. Did you see his fingernails. They are so long. I can't accept that." Quite unexpected - I thought. I've know this person for what seems like ages - and as I recall, this wasn't the character I remembered.  But people change, do they not? Or do we become the "seed" that was in us and we just unfold to who we ought to be over time?

Anyway, that also reminded me of others who have criticised people for the type of clothes they wear, the color of their hair or their hairstyles. The type of cars they drive or even if they choose to use public transport over owning their own vehicle.

I am not saying these people are wrong - and this is not a criticism of them or their statements or perceptions.  This is about my own journey and my own thoughts that are in the process of shaping me to be who I will become - but more importantly a reflection of who I AM right now - and what I am experiencing.  These are my thoughts to myself (shared with whoever is reading) but does not mean they are what I would advocate nor insist for others to follow and adhere to.

Just a reminder to my self - today, let me not judge.  Allow me to continue to open my mind (and heart) to others who may different from me.  To accept them as they are; to embrace their difference even. Everyone has his/her own untold story. We can look at person where they are now, but we may never know the extent of the journey through which they have travelled.  Even the most "cruel" person has his/her own pain.

Time flies or Time drags

We all know time is relative .. it depends so much on what you are feeling at the moment.  If it is good, it flies by - like when you are having a blast while on vacation.  And if it was not good, it drags - like when you are counting the minutes to the weekend (assuming you have to work like most people).  But when you are in love or truly enjoying your time with someone you love - that time can come to an almost complete standstill if not a standstill all together. So, ... anyway ...

What was I thinking of when I started this entry? Oh yes .. it has been a week exactly since I got back from my personal retreat to Cambodia.  One whole week exactly.  And has the time flown by or dragged on and on?

Well, considering I have been trying to recover from a bout of "ill health" since the very moment I got back, one would think time has been dragging (since that recovery thing is not a "good thing"). However, surprisingly it feels like time just flew by like in the blink of an eye.  How amazing? Does it mean I am enjoying myself?

Judging by how time flew by, I guess I will have to say - the week has not been bad at all.  I have often said to people "I don't know how anyone can ever be bored."  Really. There is always so much to do - and 24 hours a day just doesn't seem enough.  Of course I think it helps a great deal (in terms of enjoying yourself) when you have no real time line and no pressure to get reports done, meet with black faces, wait for accusations or negative remarks. So daily there is no need to have to "wash away" all the dirt and grime we pick up from negative remarks and such.

And even though the week was spent with a considerable amount of focus on "recovery."  Yet recognizing and accepting that something is not quite right with the body-system may not always be a bad thing.  After all, the body is just another part of me trying to communicate a need of sorts.  So slowing down or stopping all together to take care of one's Self surely cannot be a bad thing.  The self reflection and paying attention to the needs of the body (and the soul) is nothing more than showing your care and concern for your own body (much like you would do for a friend).  And so - that must have been a good thing.


So - again I have to be cognizant of the fact that I am blessed in so many ways.  I am thankful for so many wonders.  And indeed, it has been a good week. I am glad to be "home" for the moment.

Keep your mind focused on the good and the wonderful.  Remember there is always a silver lining in every dark cloud.  Not all days will be perfect - there will be "good" days, and there will be "bad" days - but God is in All Days (and nights too).  So be at peace and enjoy your time.

Peace out.

Obstacles - Obstacles - Obstacles

One obstacle after another.  One would wonder if this is the path I am supposed to take.  I must admit, I am one who is known for his perseverance.  As an "advisor" recently stated: "you are an individual with a lot of ideas; one after another. However, you are known to fly  from one to another, often times without giving any of the ideas to flourish and grow."  Seems like in the past, faced with such unexpected obstacles I would just abandon this and move on to finding some other "purpose" and to then focus my energy on that (new idea).  But not this time.  Perhaps, it is time for a change.  As the saying goes, "if you keep doing what you have been doing, then you can expect to get what you have been getting."  And I have had enough of that.  I want to carve out a new beginning - a new opportunity for wellness.  So, not this time.  I am more determined than ever to give it a fight - to push for what I want.  If it kills me in the process, then so be it.  Not such a bad thing to die in pursuit of something really important to me, right?

 

Perhaps this is the Universe checking to see if I am really as determined as I say. But wait a minute. I don't believe in a "God is testing you" kinda thing. I've always argued that there is no need for God to test us as He/She already knows the outcome.  If there is ever a need for a test, it is for us to gauge ourselves.  So perhaps more accurately it is not the Universe testing me to see how determine I am to achieve what I set out to achieve.  But I need to do this "struggle" for with it will come sweeter taste of success? Yeah. That sounds more correct.

So - at least for now - I will focus on how I can find a way around the wall or walls I am hitting.  Let these challenges give me greater fortitude to endeavour to get to where I want to go.  Hang in there. It will all be worth it at the end - no matter what that end entails.  For now - just march on with a determination you've never had before.  I will overcome. I will .. I will .. I will.

 

 

 

 

A bump along the journey

Why do we hit bumps along life's journey?  I have no idea - but certainly seems like I've hit one of those again.

Apparently a day of rest yesterday was insufficient.  I have spent the whole of today, practically, in bed - thinking perhaps the best way to recover is to just sleep and stay in bed.  And so I did.  I feel so drained and without energy. I don't feel depressed - and there would be no reason to feel depressed.  So what is this funk I've hit? I am still wondering.

One of the silver lining in the dark cloud, for me, is the realization that I was in great health and spirit while I was away. The entire period.  No stomach ache, no headache, no acid reflux or whatever.  Everything was super ok.

Yet, it all changed the minute my plane touched down in KL last Thursday night.  Wow.  It is already Monday evening now.  5 night since I got back - and every day has been a "battle."  Against what, I do not know.  But a battle to regain my strength?  From having headaches to acid reflux to now a bout of coughing non-stop.  What a pain.  I must admit it is primarily the coughing I suppose that is so draining of energy.  None of the air-conditioning in the house seem to be able to produce enough cold air - and it feels hot everywhere.

I understand that our bodies are our allies and they reveal things to us about our environment or our system that is not working.  So what exactly is the message from my body? It is telling me that something is not "right" or align with what I want - something is not conducive to my wellbeing - so what is it?  Unfortunately, I haven't figured it out.

Perhaps one more night of solitude would do me good.  Let's keep my mind still for one more night. Perhaps it will all be clear by tomorrow.  And even if there is no explanation - perhaps it will all just be better.  If it is going to be better tomorrow, then there is nothing to worry about now.  And if it is not going to be better tomorrow, worrying now is not going to change that anyway.  So, just let it be - and embrace this moment in silence.

Peace out.

Day of Rest

9th May - Day of Rest. Apparently my body is readjusting to KL life and not liking it. So today will have to be a day of REST.

Peace to All

Back to the Same?

So how does it feel to be back? In KL? In Malaysia? Back home?

Today is the first day back .. and I have to admit, I am so happy to be back in my own home.  There is a comfort like no other.  I think you guys all know this.  Well, perhaps most do.  For those who don't - kinda sad I suppose to not feel that total comfortable feeling to be back in your own "environment."

For me - as I write this - I guess that also means I haven't become that elusive wizard either.  Cos as Merlin had pointed out to the young (pre-King) Arthur - for the wizard, everywhere is his/her home.

Well, anyway - it was a good journey as mentioned before.  A couple of interesting observations to make in regards to landing back in Malaysia.

First, almost immediately after landing (i.e., plane touched down, and we are on the move into the airport) - my acid reflux which hit me about a week plus ago returned.  Could feel that familiar burning sensation in the solar plexus region.  How odd, I thought.  But then - this was almost instantly followed by the "Wow. I am glad this didn't happen during the entire trip over there." I had of course brought along the medication I had received from the doc previously.  And had dutifully followed his instructions (something I rarely do - follow doctor's advice) of taking the meds and no chilli or spicy food the entire time.  The meds I had finished at the start of the week - so for days, things were ok. UNTIL I got back to KLIA2.  Haha. Coincidence or what?

Had a loooooong ride back home from the airport. Met a chatty elderly Malay driver who talked non-stop about his family and his life.  How he came to KL in the 70's.  What types of jobs he has held.  How he used to be "nakal" (naughty) when he was younger and working a civil service job - and had even gone for movies during office hours.  Told me about his 7 children and what they are doing now - studying and getting married etc.  In the course of the conversation, he also spoke about the changes in the society (our country) and how it was once harmonious but now, as he puts it - due to politics, everything has changed.  Race and Religion used by politicians to divide the people.  The people were so much more harmonious - not just tolerating differences of the others but also accepting and respecting each other.  He talked on about how he would go over to his friends' houses regardless of whether they were Chinese or Indians - especially during festive seasons .. sharing freely and happily.  Today, he lamented, even wishing another person of a different race/religion Happy "whatever the occasion" can lead to arguments and condemnation.

Sad but true - as he rattled on, it also reminded me of my growing up days.  We had always looked forward to the many festive seasons celebrated by the mutli-racial community.  We visited friends of the same and other races/religions - looking forward to the "special food" of their culture.  Each had their uniqueness - and we loved them all (well most of the food anyway).

At the end of the looooong journey back to my place - I mean this dude was literally driving abut 40 to 50 km per hour (I estimate) - I reached home, went out to the mamak to get a quick bite - and wondered where have we come over these years? Where will we head from here on out.  I read a little about the two by elections over the past week - and the clamouring about this and that by both sides of the political divide.  Ahhh - is this why there seems to be so "less peace" upon touching down at the airport?  For certainly Cambodia did not appear to be a richer country - and the hustle and bustle I noticed as I drove through their city was like ours here - but I didn't feel the tension. Perhaps, I am sure many would say, cos I don't live there.  Perhaps so.  I can't figure out everything and do not have the answers to solve the problems of the whole world.

What I do know is that - again - change begins within the self.  If I change my thoughts and my perception, I will literally change my world.  Peace is to be found within and not without.  And so the Journey - moves on.

Thanks - Universe - for the opportunity to have visited Cambodia.  Met some nice folks there.  Am glad to have had the opportunity, am glad to be home, and am glad that there is still journeys to move on to.

Peace Out.

Home coming

And so here it is .. the time to return home.  As I sit here looking around one more time, I notice the many things I did not notice over the past days.  Like the type of flowers and the bees hovering around them. Even though I have been here for days - each day life reveals so much more for us to observe, ponder even, and appreciate.  There is beauty all around - everyday - every moment.

Even though I am aware that I am sitting waiting for the time to get up and leave and head to the airport - there is another part of me that sits and "not wait" but simply enjoy the breeze, the beauty around, and the sense of serenity.  Of course, for me - the sounds of water falling (from the water feature at the pool) always helps.  Man made or by nature - the sound of flowing water seems so serene.

Message for the moment:

Time to Go Home

And so it has come to the end. One end anyway.  Another GOOD day (at least by my standard).  I know a lot of people will comment or opine that it was "such a waste" you didn't do this or do that or visit this or that.  But to me - it was all good.  That was never the main intention in the first place.  I am not that keen to be a tourist visiting certain places and taking photos for my collection on Instangram or FB even.  No no no - I am not justifying or anything.  Just stating my feelings on that.  Of course - nothing wrong with that.  I, however, chose to be ME .. doing what I felt like doing.

So the effects of yesterday's experiment worked - and continued into today.  I enjoyed my food; I enjoyed my brief chats with people - in person as well as on FB etc.  And (not but) mostly, I enjoyed my time of solitude.  To me - a well worth while trip with no regrets whatsoever.

Much as I have enjoyed this short journey - I am ready to go home.  I miss my bed and all the little nuances of my own home.

So let tonite be tonite - and I will enjoy it one more round.  At the same time, I will patiently wait for the moment to board and fly home soon.

That's all for tonite - I guess. Unless something awakens me at night and gives me the urge to write more.

Suffice to say and to end this day with - It has been a pleasure, Cambodia - although I was not permitted to enter the Royal Palace etc.  Perhaps we will meet again one day.  I will not hesitate if that opportunity presents itself once more.

Just Remember:

1. It is not the destination that is important, but how well you travelled the journey.

2. Desire: It is that unfulfilled and unexpressed potential awaiting creative self-expression into manifested form.

3. Life is about choice. Every moment of our existence. We are constantly making decisions; conscious or not, big and small and medium as well.  Choose what's right for you. They are meant for YOU.

Alone Time is GOOD for You

An article I came across on FaceBook this morning that I think is Good Reading.  So - thot I'd share it with all of you here (in case you miss it on FB).

http://edition.cnn.com/2015/05/05/health/spend-time-alone/



Inspiration may come to us slowly & quietly.. prime this with solitude & reflection.


In case you had not read the first (top) part of this, I am adding another link.  Just came across another FB entry which talks of the same or similar.  More synchronicity in action?  Who knows? Just go with the flow. :)

http://www.countryliving.com/life/news/a35420/why-you-should-do-more-things-alone/?src=spr_FBPAGE&spr_id=1453_177144114

6 May 2015 - Another glorious day - to enjoy and relax

A day of no judging was rather therapeutic.  One wonders if we can sustain this behaviour? And if we could, would this be something good.  As I am pondering these, my small little voice throws me a question - or perhaps more an observation: "Are you over thinking? Analysing? Should we not just go with the flow and enjoy each moment?" Yea yea - perhaps - but I want to go with this. Let my still analytical mind still wonder .. wonder and wonder .. for this is at this NOW still very part of me.  I think the wondering mind is not a "bad" thing - it leads us where we need to go.  It is akin to have a child's mind of ever finding things in awe, isn't iit? As long as one doesn't become obsessed with finding the so called "answer" and there leading to anxiety or worry or depression - I think you will be ok. I will be ok.

So - what did I get out of it (yesterday) - and day of not having to judge.  It felt "liberating" to a great extent.  No need to label things - though this is not absolutely accurate.  Not having to label things and give them meaning or interpretation of "good" and "bad." That, I believe, was the key.  So through the day, I was still able to recognize "It is a HOT day."  But it was not with judgment as in "Gosh it is so hot. I wish it would cool down." Or this is "too hot."  I see what I see and feel what I feel then choose how I wish to respond to it.  If I didn't like the hot - move away from it. If I accepted it, I just continued with it.  The choice is always there - and always ours.

So walking around for hours in the scorching sun was not a problem.  Getting lost too was not an issue.  I didn't have the usual worry of "oh no, how do I find my way back? What if the people around can't help and can't understand me if I were to ask them for direction? Worse yet - what if I get mugged or whatever." The endless thoughts of perils of this and that were noticeably missing yesterday - and that was "liberating."  A lot less weight on my shoulder I felt.  I just went with the moment - and getting "lost" meant seeing things I wasn't expecting to see.  The people on the streets. the movement of the cars and vehicles especially the tuk-tuks, the motorcylces, and the modified motorcycles (and there were lots of these).  The day to day movement of the world around me - normally not my environment - but also got me thinking despite the difference in types of vehicles, isn't this also what is in KL and other cities I have been to? The same seemingly "mindless" (not as a bad thing but rather without thought or automated would be the definition) activities - the moving or rushing from one point to another?

So in non-judgment (or perhaps for now a "decrease" in judging - there is still some amount of "labelling."  Perhaps that too will be of no more use at some point. Perhaps then I will be the wizard) there continues to be the recognizing or observations of things and situations and we label them for communication perhaps? For intellectual processing maybe?  Whatever it is - this part of the process remains in tack. I want to just choose to decrease or minimize or eliminate altogether the judgment of what is "good" or "bad," what is "normal" or "abnormal," what is "right" or "wrong," even what is "healthy" and "unhealthy" (which is what I was thinking when I sat down to write this - i.e., not right or wrong but what is healthy or unhealthy - adaptive or maladaptive).  Perhaps for now, I want to just look at every moment to determine if the thoughts, the feelings, the whatever - if they support what I want to move towards.  And if they do, I can choose to eliminate them or to walk away from there or remove myself from the environment etc.  But I need not classify them as neither good nor bad.  If this makes sense at all.

So anyway - that's is what I got yesterday.  My inner voice seems silenced at the moment - so I suppose this is some how resonating with my inner being/energy :)

Boy, it is hot here.  I think I will go turn on the fan. :)

I just love the color in this photo, so I added it in for flavour. :)

5 May 2015 - One Mystery Down

It is 5:05 PM here and so it must be 6:05 PM back home.  I just needed to make one short entry cos I am so delighted I want to explode.  Hahahaha

One of the functions for coming over here has been achieved.  One mystery solved - on the long journey home-home.  As it goes, our path back to the Universal centre where all of us are connected, there will be a million more mysteries to solve I am sure.  Tons of clues to pick up along the way as we unravel more and more our true SELF and come ever closer to the one Creator.  Today, I am thrilled to say - I am one step closer. :)  For this, I give thanks.

For those who have no idea what this rambling about, that's okay.  Somethings aren't meant to be figured out.  We just live our lives and continue our own journey.

Ok. Thanks for listening .. time to sign out and rest a bit before I go hunting for food to celebrate.

Today - I will judge not.

Peace out,

Creating Your Reality

 

"Believe I say, and then you will see

how bright the world out there can be

unconscious in this place you came

with not a thought for which to blame.

 

Open and ready to learn

how to be human and how to fit in

you watched and you listened, ready to begin.

Your human family was there

with good intent you to prepare,

this new and eager soul to take

with their conditioning, to shape.

 

You fit in with their world for now

to share their knowledge, of what and how

This is the way our human core was created

you are living on their foundation and are fated.

 

Now is the time to examine and explore

what you are really building on this core.

As you open your heart and let your spirit show the way

to build your truth you will know

that all you came to learn and be

Was to create your deepest desire,

as your reality."



The Best Memory

The Best Memory

 

Forget each kindness that you do,

As soon as you have done it.

Forget the praise that falls to you,

The moment you have won it.

 

Forget the slander that you hear,

Before you can repeat it/

Forget each slight, each spite, each sneer,

Wherever you may meet it.

 

Remember every kindness done to you,

Whatever its measure.

Remember praise by others won,

And pass it on with pleasure.

 

Remember every promise made,

And keep it to the letter.

Remember those who lend you aid,

And be a grateful debtor.

 

Remember all the happiness that

Came your way in living.

Forget each worry and distress,

Be hopeful and forgiving.

 

Remember good, remember truth,

Remember heaven's above you.

And you will find through age and youth,

That many hearts will love you.

(Author unknown)

5th May 2015 - Early morning thoughts/message

I woke up early this morning and didn't feel like going back to bed. I guess that's due to the thoughts in me that are beginning to surface.


 So, I got up and sat out in the balcony to look out at a calm and beautiful scenery - to ponder (and also to wait for breakfast of course, which will only begin at 6:30 AM).

Great time to be awake - to enjoy the peace and serenity.  It is peaceful.  Life is Peaceful before our minds and our egos start to get busy and clutter our every moment. For now, I thank God for yet another day - to live, to learn, and to enjoy what may unfold for this day. I am GRATEFUL.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You haven’t accepted yourself. This has to precede other’s accepting you. After all the external is a merely a reflection of you. “They” demonstrate your internal state.  If you are hostile, your environment will be hostile; if you are at peace, your external too will be at peace.

You have struggled long to paint your external world – shaping it into what you believe is right or what you want.

Forget about whether it is right to shape others or “manipulating” them etc. for all these are “judgments.” Your issue is not about judgment. This is about the fact that you cannot change the world, your world, without first changing you.  You cannot teach others to take the risk,, a leap of faith, if you are yourself unwilling to do the same. You cannot shape the world outside (the external) to the way  you want – It is pointless and a futile endeavour as it will only bring with it pain, resentment, then fear and doubt.

All things begin with the SELF. From here it is that you need to  begin.  Look within you for the answer. “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally - time for breakfast.


To begin, a plate with a variety of break freshly baked.  A cup of coffee (that's always important), and a glass of pineapple juice (fresh and chilled).

 

 

 

This is followed up with a plate of egg benedict (with the yolk still flowing like the nectar of life - golden red and delicious).

And then a plate of sliced fresh mango.  Sweet. :)

This is how life should be, right?  Take time to give thanks for all that the mighty has blessed us with.  Enjoy the fruits of the Universe - and be without guilt or remorse.  Just be thankful, and I am thankful for this and more.

4th May 2015 - ending off this day

After what I wrote earlier today, I encountered this "message" in the book I am reading.

A voice within is pushing me to jump to trust to see

And yet I hesitate to leap into that unknown void

I need a guarantee

 

What is it I fear so much?

When where I am is not enough

I want it all and know deep within, if only I let go

The things I long for and desire would come to me,

That I know

 

Yet still I choose the fear and doubt

to hinder my heart's desires

I let these limiting thoughts continuously douse the fires

If only I could spread my wings and have the faith to fly

Maybe I can, maybe I could, let's try

Now - this is another indicator of "synchronicity" at work.