My lesson for today

As a sort of a follow up to the last post, time is still flying. Two days have come and gone - and I did not manage to get to post here. I wonder - will I ever reach a point that I will be able to get on every single day and make an entry at least once a day? And then I also wonder - why do I need to? Are there any rules to this? Of course not! We make our own rules. Do it if you like, and don't if you do not like.  Certainly we can make a goal for ourselves if we want - but for what reason, and how do we handle it when we make our goal or we do not. Well, each of us make those rules for ourselves as well I suppose.  And all these are just a part of our "freedom to choose."  So, I won't beat myself up for not being able to get on or even not wanting to write anything on some days.  Otherwise this would have become a chore and a must do .. and then I will be entangled in the web we are all so trained to do.

My lesson today - or at least one of them - a thought I have been pondering over for the past days: don't wait around for anyone; be yourself.  To be free, truly free, do what brings you joy and not let that joy be dependent on any person, thing, or event.  If you do, then that happiness is always external to you.

I look back over my life and realized that many of the times of unhappiness came around because I am waiting for this or that. And when they do not turn out as I had hoped or planned, that led to disappointment and anger.  One of the things I've learnt along the way also is that anger is a good camouflage for hurt. So - what happens during those moments of pain, disappointment, sadness, or hurt is a "blow up."  Being angry, raising voice, throwing tantrums even - they serve no one any good.  If you think, "well, it is venting and getting out of your system - therefore it should be good, right?" The answer is "NO." They can't be good cos it leaves the other also in pain and sometimes confusion.  You may have vented, but then it is followed up with "guilt."  There are the many, "I should have done this instead," "I shouldn't have said that," "Maybe if I had been clearer?" or one of the most common ones "It's my fault. I shall have no expectations - then all will be well."

But it is not all well.  Many say just be without expectations, and life will be great. If you don't expect, then you can't be hurt.  But can we really be without any expectations?  Perhaps and perhaps not.  I guess it is kinda like asking the question, "Can we be perfect?"  Perhaps we will not get to perfection, but that should not stop us from reaching for it, right?  Well - for me, I guess that is the answer for NOW.  While I may not be able to do away with all expectations, I shall learn to accept whatever the outcome.  When I go downstairs and start my car (ready to go out), I expect the car will be able to start just like it does every morning.  But when I press the start, and the engine fails to turn - why get mad? Screaming, shouting, kicking and cussing at the car is not going to make it move. So, then I have to accept the situation as it is and find a solution.  Call a mechanic, take a cab to where I need to go, and so on.  Wouldn't that be a lot better?

I also realize many of the painful moments come from expecting others to be how I think they should be.  They should behave this way or that way.  They should call me when they reach some place; they should tell me in advance if they are not available or cannot do somethings; they should not say they will do something if they do not intend to; they should be thankful for this or that; they should look for me instead of me always looking them up; and a million more of such.  But much of these pain and disappointment, can be done away with IF I only accept what the head has known for so long - and that is "I need to accept people as they are; I can express my opinion (and maybe not even that) and then respect their choices to be who they want to be."  I wrote the following on my FB timeline: "Stop expecting those you love to change to what you believe they should be. Even when they don't - accept them and love them anyway." And there lies the path to serenity (happiness).  Acceptance - accept what will be.  Many things are beyond our control, but how we feel and respond to them is entirely up to us.  Like with the car incident above, or when you find yourself stuck in a traffic jam (honking and banging on your steering wheel is likely not going to make a difference).  Accept where ever we are and whatever the situation.

If the Universe has brought us to that point, then there is a purpose for it. And even more than that, there is always a blessing within that which we will see if we but open up our hearts and look (instead of feeling miserable and filled with self-pity).

And so I intend (to strive towards) greater acceptance of individuals as they are and to stop expecting them to be who I want them to be or for them to behave the way I think they should.  I need to do for me what I feel is right and positive and healing. To not sit around and wait for this or that to happen - and just make plans for me without having the need to think if this is okay with someone else etc.  At some point it sounds so "selfish" but then I guess it sounds that way because we have been living that "lie" for so long.
Have you ever lived waiting for a message to be replied to? Or a phone call to come in? Or for another to meet up with you? And when they "let you down," you swear to yourself - I am never gonna be so foolish again. Next time I will just go with my own plans.  And then a month goes by and you live your life as you think you should (every now and then still waiting or hoping but doing so much better not just sitting around waiting for the phone to ring).  And then one day comes when you have plans and that someone calls - and now you are torn like "but I already have plans. Sorry ya?" And if you stick to your plans, you may be filled with guilt.  Or you may choose to change your plans to suit the late call.  I think this is common for many people.  But I also think that's why we all have so many scars in our hearts.

Today - I think (not as a reaction to pain and to take revenge) that truly we need to be kind to ourselves. Love ourselves. Do what we want and not sit and wait for others or events. Be free - to be who you want, to do what you want, to go where you want.  And if the world thinks your are selfish - well then let them be free to chose the thoughts that they want.  I can only be responsible for my own life and not worry about what any other think. Be kind to yourself does not mean to be unkind to others.

So there you go - my lesson for myself today.

Wishing you all peace and happiness in your own journey - today and everyday of your life.

Peace out.