“Good” and “Bad” decisions or choices
A few days ago, on the eve of the New Year, I was about to
write about having made “good” or “bad” decisions. I was having a conversation with a friend of
mine, and I exclaimed “my son was right. I made decision based on
feeling. I let my feelings get in the way of sound decision.” But it
was my choice to make – and the decision I made over a month ago turned out to
be “wrong.” So there really is no point
laying blame on anyone else. No one held a gun to my head and forced me to go
one way or the other. There is no one to blame but myself, and I accept full
responsibility for the “mistake” made. I
made a decision based on my emotions rather than on logic.
But even as I was saying that, something just didn’t feel
right. It wasn’t “resonating” with
me. In fact, it was quite a bit of
dissonance – and I could feel it all over my body. The discomfort wasn’t from admitting
I made a mistake or I did something wrong. Not at all; I’ve done that many
times before. It’s just the “feeling” – I don’t know how to describe it. My
insides – something just didn’t feel right. A very very tiny voice inside was
saying to me right there and then, “take a deep breath; be still for a moment;
rest and listen.” And as a paused a moment to let that settle in, I could
barely hear the soft thoughts behind that went: “decisions based on feelings or
your heart is not wrong – listen to you heart always – and trust …” and it
fades off. I thought wait a minute –
more paradoxes? I am tired – I think I shall return to my reading, and so I
stopped that there.
"Life is about making choices. We rejoice in those that were 'right' and we learn from those that were 'wrong.'" Right? Is there really wrong choices then? If we learned from them, than doesn't that make it a "right" choice? - cos it taught us something?
The next morning, as I had already indicated in my New Year’s
entry, I had a brief conversation with a former student of mine – now a friend –
and what she said to me led me back to the thoughts of the night before. She said, “All these years and I still tell my clients that there are no negative
emotions and that everything we feel is valid. I do believe it came from you.” And I thought to myself –
yeah! I used to say that to my students and during workshops to participants or
attendees or however you label the audience (anyone who would listen). I firmly believed then that denying your
feelings and labelling them as something bad was also denying your Self .. and
while I didn’t at that time link the Self to the Divine – it was in essence
doing just that: denying the Divine in us and or labelling our Self (Divine) as
something bad. Back then, my approach
was to “recognize it,” “accept it,” and “embrace it.” What makes something “good”
or “bad” is not the feeling but the action that we choose following that
feeling. And it’s not even the action that is to determine whether something is
good or bad – but the results of the action or the consequences. And it isn’t
even the consequences of the action that makes it good or bad – but rather the
interpretation of it (how we interpret or receive that). Makes sense?
There is no real "right" or "wrong." See? So called "right decisions" lead us to success; and to be able to make "right decisions," often times - we need experience. And where does experience come from? They come from so called "wrong decisions." So, ultimately - what we often label as "wrong decisions" were actually good "experiences. They teach us something we need along life's journey. So, perhaps like our emotions - they are neither negative or positive, good or bad, right or wrong. They just ARE ... And as such, we can learn to recognize them, accept them, and embrace them as they are all simply a part of us - a part of our journey home.
So anyway, back to the earlier topic of having made a “wrong
decision” because I let my emotions cloud my judgment. In the morning of the New Year, it became
clear to me: that was neither or wrong or a right decision, really. It just was – a choice, if you will. Looking back, despite the seemingly
unpleasant events that followed – I believe the choice was still the correct
one. I will always take into account the
feelings of my friends, the feelings of the people I care about. And if there is anything I can do to serve
them, to help them along, and I have the ability to do it – I will. Hopefully,
I will never even have to hesitate to consider as I had this time around.
And when I realized this – a very strange thing happened.
All of a sudden everything in the room seem brighter. I had goose-bumps. An epiphany? This is what Wayne calls “a
quantum moment?” I know it sounds like someone on drugs – but truly the lights
in the room changed; the air felt more crisp and fresh; the picture pinned in
front of my desk looked “happier.” It was like – WOW. But only for a very brief
moment, and then snap – everything was as it was.
I don’t know what that was – or not quite ready to label it
any which way for now. And so I said I will sleep on it for a while before I
write. Well, I am writing now – yet still
reluctant to call it anything for sure.
Whatever that experience was – I just wanted to reaffirm that my lesson
learnt in this episode: nothing is really good or bad. We make it good or bad. It’s our choice. We can see a decision as good or bad. We can
determine based on results – and that’s how people often make their judgment.
But a reminder – results/consequences etc .. are sometimes (perhaps even often
times) not immediate. Many things that
could, initially, be seen as “bad” but turns out (perhaps much later) as a “blessing
in disguise.” This is my first lesson
here.
Second lesson: Following your heart cannot be wrong. It is in your heart that God resides. If you listen carefully, and if the prompting
is from the Divine – your soul will find peace in your decision and synchronicities
will follow. If it is not from your
heart (and therefore not the Divine), then there will be dissonance rather than
resonance (synchronous vibration or harmony).
Shalom,
Syl
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