Understanding "Love"

For today, let me share with you something I am reading currently.  I am just going to put in here today - a section I have extracted directly form The Mastery of Love (by Don Miguel Ruiz)

I haven't processed it fully - so I will revert and add my take on this as I further digest it.  For now, it is just directly - his words.  Here goes ..

Love is unconditional. Fear is full of conditions. In the track of fear, I love you if you let me control you, if you are good to me, if you fit into the image I make for you. I create an image of the way you should be, and because you are not and never will be the image I create, I judge you because of that, and find you guilty. Many times I even feel ashamed of you because you are not what I want you to be. If you don’t fit that image I created, you embarrass me, you annoy me, I have no patience at all with you. I am just pretending kindness. In the track of love, there is no if; there are no conditions. I love you for no reason, with no justification. I love you the way you are. If I don’t like the way you are, then I would be with someone who is the way I like her to be. We don’t have the right to change anyone else, and no one else has the right to change us. If we are going to change, it is because we want to change, because we don’t want to suffer anymore.

In the track of fear we have so many conditions, expectations, and obligations that we create a lot of rules just to protect ourselves against emotional pain, when the truth is that there shouldn’t be any rules. These rules affect the quality of the channels of communication between us, because when we are afraid, we lie. If you have the expectation that I have to be a certain way, then I feel obligation to be that way. The truth is I am not what you want me to be When I am honest and I am what I am, you are already hurt, you are mad. Then I lie to you, because I am afraid of your judgment. I am afraid you are going to blame me, find me guilty, and punish me. And ever time you remember, you punish me again and again and again for the same mistake.

If we are in a war of control, it is because we have no respect. The truth is that we don’t love. It is selfishness, not love; it is just to have the little does that make us feel good. When we have no respect there is a war of control because each person feels responsible for the other. I have to control you because I don’t respect you, because whatever happens to you is going to hurt me, and I want to avoid pain. Then, if I see that you are not being responsible, I am going to knock you all the time to make you responsible, but “responsible” form my personal point of view. It doesn’t mean that I am right.

This is what happens when we come from the track of fear. Because there is no respect, I act as though you are not good enough or intelligent enough to see what is good or not good for you. I make the assumption that you are not strong enough to go into certain situations and take care of yourself. I have to take control and say, “Let me do it for you,” or “Don’t do that.” I try to suppress your half of the relationship and take control of the whole thing. If I take control of the whole relationship, where is your part? It doesn’t work.

Peace,

Syl