Perception - Interpretation - and Love

Perception – Interpretation and Love

I think I’ve skipped a day of writing to ponder on the stuff I read from Don Miguel Ruiz. Real deep – and while the things he speaks of sound so familiar, I can’t help but to think “so harsh.” So much of what is said sounds even sarcastic at times .. but perhaps these are just my perception, my interpretation – and perhaps I am just not comfortable with the “Reality Therapy” type approach – and never did quite “connect” with Albert Ellis.  I must say too tho that until recently when reading Dr. Wayne Dyer’s take on Albert Ellis and how he influenced Wayne’s own “work on earth” – I always thought the guy was too harsh and didn’t see much value in RET (Rational Emotive Therapy). But having read Wayne’s words – I am open to re-learning about Ellis’ approach. 

And so, perhaps my “running into” Don’s work while actually intending to pick up another book from Wayne is part of the journey I need to go through to be more open to ideas that I once thought held little to no significance for me. Some of his words and examples, I found pretty extreme and hard to relate to. Others made a lot of sense, yet – those “exaggerations” (or what I considered exaggerations) were hard to swallow. Maybe they seemed like exaggerations to me because in some ways they seem so paradoxical. I am not sure. But at any rate, again I think – the fact that the book was in my hands and I was reading it, there is a message for me to take from it. This too inline with my earlier blog entry regarding the not throwing out the baby with the bath water. There is always something we can learn from any situation, something we can learn from any one. It’s up to us.

It is interesting (to me at least) that when I was pondering this, I got into a conversation with my sister and I was talking to her about people’s expectations and how I felt attempts from others to “guilt” me into this action or that action.  Her gentle chastise (or maybe just a reminder) was – “is this your perception of being ‘guilt-ed’ when there is no such intent meant?”  I was already sensing that at some level when I related the incident to her, and here it was right in my face (in a nice way of course) – yes, indeed it is just simply my own interpretation of being “guilt-ed” or manipulated to behave in a way I think is expected of me.

Two (of many points) made by Don – (1) we can never know what is in the heart/mind of another. What they want, want they are trying to communicate all that is our guess – we guess. But we don’t have to. We just need to be clear ourselves. We can’t make people be clear because that is them and we have no ability, no right to control another. We can only manage our own self.  So be clear with what we want, and then to follow through with what we feel is right to do.  Don’t second guess another. (2) When we try to second guess another and try to do what we think they want – we are operating on, what he termed, the “track of fear.”  We do what we do because we feel obligated. We want to do what is “right” so the other will not be hurt, will not be disappointed, will not be angry etc. Our actions are based on “fear” not on “love.” We do what we do so that the other will not get upset with us – worse still if they get upset, they may take from us what we think we NEED from them – their love, their approval, their respect, their admiration.  But when we can be clear with what we want ourselves and know that Love, Happiness, Joy, Peace, Contentment and all that comes from within – we will no longer operate from the “track of fear.”  Instead, we will be on “track of love.”

When we give – give because we want to, and not because we have to. Love is something you give freely – not as an exchange with another. But isn’t this what we all seem to do? I love you, therefore you must love me too. If you do not, then I will be hurt. And then I will have to find some way to protect myself from this pain – and when I am doing that, I may (unconsciously even) do things to hurt you back – because it is your fault I feel pain.  But is it the other person’s fault? Perhaps it is – or they may seem to contribute to our pain. But ultimately we need to learn to love without expectation. We need to know that in us is already all the love we need.

As I move on with this lesson, I ask – I pray – I intent .. let me move on to learn to love like the sun, to borrow the words of the Persian Poet – Hafiz, “you don’t owe me.” The sun shines because it is in it’s nature to do so. It cannot do otherwise. 

And the paradox is: when we freely give it (Love) away, it (Love) will come looking for us.

Shalom,
Syl