Relationship - What do I want? - Conclusion

So what is it I want for me?

First of all, I recognize that not everyone is looking for a (love or romantic) relationship.  When I was a young boy, every year when we are asked to write down what our ambition is (this was a requirement by the schools to be written into our “record book”) – one of the three I always listed was to be a priest.  When I entered my teens and we had mission Sundays at church or when we had visits at the school by Catholic brothers, I shared this idea with them. My hesitation then was always about having to give up family life and not have my own kids.  I remember clearly many times being told by them that by joining the priesthood or brotherhood, I would be choosing a much larger family – and wherever I go, I will be welcomed, and I would have many brothers, sisters, and children.  That, somehow, never connected with me.  In my mind, it just wouldn’t be the same.


Today, while I still feel those answers didn't adequately resolved my inner conflicts nor quenched my need, I can now accept that there are many types of relationships. And while we all (pretty much) seek to have relationships, these relationships don't always come in the form of romantic unions. We all want relationships - of that I am convinced.  Even the hermits who may choose to remove themselves from society and people in general - still form relationships with, at the "least" (though it is by no means less) with nature or with whatever.

So for me - first and foremost, I seek to have a wonderful relationship with my Self. To learn to love me - not in an egoistic sense - to appreciate myself for all that I am (or am not) with the many strength and "flaws" that make me who I am. I AM.

I accept that there can be more than one soul mate. In fact, there are many soul-mates in a life time. And soul mates can come in many forms – not just in a spouse or a lover, but also a sibling, a friend, a teacher, even an individual who comes into our lives briefly – with a purpose – and then moves on. So then, being my own soul-mate is important. To be one who will challenge me to be the best that I can be .. to be best that I am to be. As the humanistic folks believe – one has to be what one has to be. I can be no other.

I want to cease the chase – to not be in desperation to tie another down; certainly never to tie myself down to anyone or anything. I will formulate my intent, my desire, my vision – and then Let It Go, leaving it to the Universe to deal with the details – to finalize the plan/goal – detaching myself from the outcome and accepting what will be will be.  Yes, Acceptance – that is the key. Acceptance is Peace.

Love one, love many, love all. And set them free. Love is not an anchor. It is not intended to limit another; nor is it to change one to the ideal I believe is what is “right” for them. But instead – to learn to respect, to learn to accept – and most of all to love unconditionally to the point I am able to let them be who they want to be. TO set them free – to come, to go, to come and go as they see fit. A saying I used to like tremendously (and still do actually): “If you love something (someone), set them free. If they come back to you, they are yours; and if they do not, they were never yours.” 

Physical attraction is no longer the main ingredient (as it perhaps was in my youth). More importantly today are the virtues shared. Physical beauty is superficial; they are momentary. As cliché as it may sound, inner beauty is everlasting.  

To find someone who desires the same; who appreciates the beauty of life; who longs to liberate her own soul and who willing share with others her truth. Yes, who will even challenge my own gorwth - to support and encourage me and others to go beyond our selves - to have an open mind about everything and yet not attached to any one singular truth. One who will not seek to be a replica of me not to be focused only on world/physical joy - who will look both inward and outward to reconnect with that which is unchanging - the One Divine - the One Source.

As Scott Stabile puts it: “Relationships take a lot of work, but they aren’t meant to be exhausting. … Hard work and endless struggle are not the same things.”  It shouldn’t drain you or your life’s energy nor deplete you of the joys of living. Rather it is to sustain you and even more than that – challenges you to rise daily to be stronger than you were yesterday.

I will have someone who can appreciate me for who I AM - and courageous enough to challenge my thinking while still able to accept the choices I ultimately make. One who doesn't want to live without me but yet CAN.  To live the paradox of being dependent yet independent - of being independent yet dependent. One who can be free to be who she wants to be with me and who will want me to be me with her. Completely Free. 

That's my intent, my desire, my vision. And I will have the courage to hold on to this my vision - daring enough to love and set another free. And at the end, if I never find that individual - then so be it. Love given will never be lost. It flows back into the eternal IS.

I will not settle; I will not bow to the dictates of the world. I will live by what I hold dear and be independent of the opinions of others (well meaning though they may be). I will be – who I AM.

Namaste,

Syl